Archive for world view

Regulating Kids!

Around here we’re having one of those days, there’s more yelling, crying and carrying on than there needs to be, and the kids aren’t exactly playing ‘nice’ either. But we get through those days, take deep breaths, remind ourselves that we’re filled with love and eventually it begins to flow forth again. Usually, at least around here, no one needs to ‘change’ their behaviour- or ourselves, we of course are behaving the best we can given the circumstances (and our particular circumstances is exhaustion from a dinner/dance, and the ren faire this weekend.) We just need to change our mood. Regain our optimism. Have you ever noticed that the mouthy-lip from your 3 year old can be totally endearing at times and infuriating at others? We all would gain if we spent less time trying to change our kids and more time working on ourselves, our own reactions. And then serve as that role model of love and respect and generosity and good spirits, so that our children return it in kind. That’s it in a nutshell, my parenting philosophy. Notice that it doesn’t have anything about perfection, and allows for bad temper (in me and the kids, even darling superhero too.)

Well, just the other day I witnessed a mother shoving her screaming 6 year old into a swing calling her a big baby over and over, I have no idea what her perceived infraction was…I really don’t want to know. I saw a mother completely out of control, okay maybe there’s a bit of us all in there, right? But then the inexplicable happened, the other grown woman in the group took her camera out of her bag and started to snap pictures and say out loud “I’m taking pictures of the big baby, acting like a big baby!” So there you have it, not a mother out of control, but planned; cold, calculating and horrifying. I was too shocked to do anything about it, and really what could I have done? it’s one thing to step in and help a mother at the end of her rope, another to interfere with an insane parenting tactic learned off the today show…

Be the boss! Tips on regulating the kids
Dr. Ruth Peters on stern but creative ways to be a disciplined mom or dad

read it and weep.

Love,
Heather

this musing is related to this comic:Strange Goals!

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April is STILL Cesarean Awareness Month!

And I suppose Time Magazine is trying to make us more aware of the new trends with their article Choosy Mothers Choose Cesarean (Thank you Cathy, Euna, Kati, and Findley!) yeesh, and arrrrrrrrgh, and grrrrrrrrrrr.

your thoughts?

And this reminds me, now more than ever we need to get our birth stories out into the world…

Calling for Birth Stories!

If you have a birth story (preferably unassisted, but if it’s assisted it shouldn’t focus on the midwife- not that she’s not totally AWESOME, please don’t understand, I LOVE midwives! - too much, I’m looking for birth stories that focus on the mother, the baby and the birth process.) please send it in to be included in the next Hathor book (I’m too poor to pay you, but will happily give you a couple of the books and my undying gratitude!) Plus, you’ll be in print! My friend, Gurumama, is going to be editing the book so I’ll be passing the stories along to her and she’ll be in touch about whether they’ll be included or not…Please forward this widely!

Here’s what you can do to make the birth story exactly what I’m looking for:

1. remove the paragraphs where you’re making your decision to birth at home, or birth unassisted. for instance in my birth story of Gwyneth Kai, I’m going to remove the first paragraph where I blather on about wanting a birth that was free of interventions. For the sake of argument, lets agree that the audience for this book already WANTS a birth that’s free of interventions. Let’s ASSUME we live in a world where ALL women want no interventions. It’s a given. How would you start your birth story then…probably at the first contraction, huh? Okay, start there.

2. If you’re telling an unassisted birth story or an assisted birth story, let’s just call it a birth. Take out all the qualifiers and just birth that baby!

3. fear is fine, but how ’bout a little bit about how you ‘rise above’ the fear? And don’t forget to include those moments when you weren’t afraid. I like to read birth stories where the laboring mother ‘just knew’ what to do. It comforts me, and when I gave birth the third time I was able to tune into my instincts because I had read so many birth stories by women who ‘just knew’.

and 4. if you think your birth story can do all of this but it includes an intervention anyway, heck, send it in. Interventions happen, as do transfers, it’s how we FEEL (and write) about them that matters. Can your birth story tell how you transfered to the hospital and delivered your breech baby into the hands of some strange doctor, but still, wow! isn’t birth great?! and wouldn’t you do it again?

So, that’s what I’m looking for…please send them in! hathor at thecowgoddess.com or in the comments below.

Love,
Heather

this musing is related to this comic: cesarean awareness!

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Marginal Scientists Manipulate Science!

So, I had this idea in mind to replace all the words with other words, to get kind of mad-libby with these ’so-called’ papers and studies that sneeringly discuss breastfeeding (and what the heck, ANY of our mother issues, right?) And as I was mulling it, working it out in my head, Mark Morford wrote this excellent piece on Scientific Studies:
Study says many studies suck
Research shows we are far too drunk on stupid studies that tell us what research shows
Here’s a quote:

Look, I know. Studies rule. Studies are our cultural cocaine. We cannot get enough. I cite them all the time myself in this very column. Many studies are incredibly helpful and informative, and without the trillions of formal scientific studies we’ve enjoyed to date we would know precious little about everything from medicine to human behavior to how many orgasms a woman can have in a day (unlimited!) to the average number of erections a healthy male gets in his sleep (5.3!) and the exact number of times George W. Bush and his scabrous lizards lied to the nation so as to lead us into a disgusting and horrid war (935!) and, well, a million other Very Important Things.

And speaking of, here is a lovely, important, enlightening study that I would like to tell you about (thanks Jeanne!) I have a copy but I’m forbidden to share it…but here’s a bit: ‘As good as chocolate’ and ‘better than ice cream’: How toddler, and older, breastfeeders experience breastfeeding by Karleen D. Gribble

This study revealed that breastfeeding can be a time of intimacy between mother and child, with the child connecting with his/her mother by stroking her or talking with her during breastfeeds. Breastfeeding was also shown to be something that was integrated into daily life as children continued to play, watch television or read a book while breastfeeding. While the intimacy associated with breastfeeding often leads to it being described as a special time between mother and child (Dignam, 1995), it is evident that breastfeeding can also be very ordinary and not separated from other aspects of life. Further research to elucidate what activities mothers might be involved in while breastfeeding may provide a greater understanding of how mothers incorporate breastfeeding into their lives. The responses that children gave to questions about why they breastfed and what they feel like when they breastfeed validated maternal perceptions about why children breastfeed. Children said that they really liked breastfeeding, that it had a calming and relaxing impact on them and that when they breastfeed they feel close to their mother. Children also explicitly stated that they breastfed because they like the milk but their enjoyment of breastmilk can also be deduced from their descriptions of the taste of breastmilk. Many children compared breastmilk to a type of milk such as cows’ milk, rice milk, a flavoured milk or just plain milk and given that breastmilk is indeed a type of milk this is not unexpected. Many children also stated that breastmilk tasted like something sweet, for example, like a type of fruit, chocolate, sugar, cordial, jam, lollies or ice cream. They also compared the taste of breastmilk to a sweet food using phrases such as ‘better than ice cream’ or ‘as good as chocolate’ or indeed simply describing the milk as ‘sweet’. Again, this is not unexpected since breastmilk contains a relatively high concentration of the sugar, lactose (Emmett & Rogers, 1997). Some children compared the taste of breastmilk to foods that do not immediately appear to resemble characteristics of breastmilk such as cheese, peanut butter or ‘McDonalds’. However, a large proportion of the children described breastmilk as being yummy or nice or said that they like or love the taste and this may be the thread that combines all of the descriptions the children used. It appears that children like the taste of breastmilk and when asked to describe its flavour they compare it to a food they consider delicious. It is also worth noting that children’s descriptions of breastmilk can provide diagnostic information as the children of two mothers who had recently had mastitis described the milk as sometimes tasting ‘salty’ or ‘yucky’. Mastitis changes the flavour of milk by increasing the salt concentration and mothers sometimes report breast refusal as the first symptom of developing the condition. Mothers’ recall of conversations they had had with their children about breastfeeding provided insight into how children view breasts and breastfeeding. It appears that many of these long-termbreastfeeders saw the world through a lens where breastfeeding is normal and expected and where breasts are for breastfeeding. This view of breastfeeding may have arisen from children’s experience of breastfeeding themselves or from regularly seeing others breastfeed. This is in contrast to the view predominant in many developed countries where breasts are considered a sex organ (Dettwyler, 1995a; Stearns, 1999). The sexualisation of breasts has resulted in many, including children, believing that breastfeeding is an activity to be performed only in private (Russell, Richards, Jones, & Hoddinott, 2004; Stearns, 1999). The resultant stigma associated with breastfeeding in public remains a significant barrier to women successfully breastfeeding (Hannan et al., 2005; Li et al., 2004). It is likely that the breastfeeders in this study will assimilate the dominant culture’s sexualisation of breasts as they grow but perhaps they will also retain an acceptance of the nurturing role of breasts and carry this into adulthood and parenting….

Conclusions Despite the WHO/UNICEF breastfeeding duration recommendations, in developed countries, very few children are breastfed beyond infancy. The social pressure to wean early is an important factor preventing a greater incidence of long-term breastfeeding. Part of the pressure to wean stems from the common belief that breastfeeding is something that mothers somehow impose on their children. This study shows that, to the contrary, long-term breastfeeders actively seek breastfeeding from their mothers because they find it pleasurable and helpful in dealing with stress. An understanding of breastfeeding as experienced by children may aid in removal of the stigma associated with breastfeeding beyond infancy. Learning about breastfeeding via observation, discussion and role-play is common amongst long-term breastfeeders and further research is needed to elucidate the significance that this might have in the ability of girls to breastfeed their children when they themselves become mothers.

But of course, we (the enlightened mamas on this blog ;o) already know all of that didn’t we? This is the rare study, one with a hypothesis that maybe just maybe, the bonds between mother and child should be respected and nurtured and then seeks information to support that hypothesis.

Unfortunately the large proportion of studies right now- millions and billions of them- are hell–bent on showing that perhaps CIO is just fine (if the study is heavily manipulated), perchance formula is almost as good (ignore the warning labels, please!), maybe full-term breastfeeders are loony. These studies seem almost (dare I say?) worded to let the mainstream culture (and the super-independent lifestyle) off the hook. They’re piling on, trying to drown out the simple lifestyle choice of family, and things that you just KNOW to be true.

so I agree with Mark Morford:

This, then, is the danger: Despite the frequent inanity, despite the insulting silliness of much of the information, we’ve been led to believe that it is only through a relentless obsession with tiny, data-driven studies that we can obtain real knowledge, real understanding of what we’re about and how we should eat, sleep, screw, breathe.

As such, we risk perhaps the most vital and precious aspect of human understanding, our innate sense that everything is far, far more complicated and messy and juicy and fluidly interconnected, far more non-dissectible than we like to imagine, and in fact trying to dismember human experience into its drab components merely destroys the holistic integrity of the whole damnable circus.

Look at it this way: It’s a bit like touching your lover softly, carefully on the lips. It’s either a dry, mappable array of specific nerve endings and chemicals and saliva glands and swarms of bacteria and random synapses screaming their desperate need to procreate, or it’s, well, pure goddamn poetry. Study says: Your choice.

Yep, your choice.

Love,
Heather

(sleep deprived, I HOPE this made sense ;o) but man, that was a FUN birthday party!

The Musing is related to this Comic: Marginal Scientists!
and this Comic: scientists manipulate!
and this Musing: Parenting Culture Studies, huh?

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Look Mom! New Fun for Kids!

So, I was watching tv the other night and an ad for this ‘lovely’ came on. Once I pulled my jaw off of the floor and recovered my ability to speak… Fisher Price Smart Cycle Presents like this make me want to send a letter of condolence to the poor, poor children.

my recurring thought was, “What the Hell ever happened to childhood”? Whatever happened to riding down the street with the wind blowing through your hair and the cards stuck in your spokes going click click click as you speed along behind your best friend with your backpack full of snacks, off to spend the glorious day in an empty lot, or tree, or behind a bush on the side of the road, ANYWHERE that you can find that makes you feel away from the world? Whatever happened to disappearing for the whole day, and coming home at night, because your mama calls you for dinner? What ever happened to that? I mean, I know, deep down what happened to that, I suspect, but really, can’t we bring that back? Work together?
Love,
Heather

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The Great Pacific Garbage Patch Exists!

(no, it’s not just some national enquirer inspired fantasy) it exists and is here to stay. Great Pacific Garbage Patch And More about the Scientist who’s studying the problem :Great Pacific Garbage Patch; Plastic Turning Vast Area of Ocean into Ecological Nightmare

In the middle of September, I went for a walk on the beach here and there was piles, mounds, heaps of plastic trash as far as the eye could see. Shocking. Then I went to the east coast and there was a red tide that burned your chest so much, you HAD to cough and going to the beach was miserable (though I still went and found 75+ shark teeth!). And then I came back to the west coast and everything went and caught on fire. And we had warnings not to go outside for days on end. I’m not saying it’s all connected. I’m just saying is all.

love,
Heather

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