But not in the way you would hope! I read this article and thought “hmmm, this sounds like it could be a birthsMART tm comic, so I made a couple!
Staff Training Reduces Postpartum Bleeding, Episiotomies

Love,
Heather

this musing is related to these two comics: birthsMART tm Cutting Edge! and birthsMART tm Hemorrhage!

Warning: Graphic Simulation of a Super Creepy Robot Giving Birth to a Plastic Baby (That’s NOT Alive!) While Taped Screaming and Hollering and A Team of Too Many Nurses Stick Their Hands Up the Robots Wazoo, While Saying Push and Breathe and So On and So Forth! Seriously, You’ve been Warned! My Stomach Hurts Just From Watching It! Yikes!

Baby Goes Beep! Beep!

Love,
Heather

This Musing is Related to this comic: The Prego-Robo 2000!

This from an e-mail exchange I had yesterday:

Hey Heather

I have a few musing of my own on the issue of fathers at births.
I wouldn’t say as others have, “I never could have done it without him” because quite frankly, I’m sure I could have done it without my husband there!

I wonder if the issue isn’t whether or not men are at birth, but what may be a hindrance in some situations is that the dynamics change when there are TWO men present while a woman births. I think dad may have some extremely awkward feelings he can’t bring to the surface, and certainly can’t verbalize:

-I’ve never been so excited! But I don’t want to cry in front of this other man!
-That dude has his hand in my wife’s vagina. I’m watching this other man touch my wife’s private parts! I don’t like it but I can’t do anything about it! I feel like I’m being forced to watch her be raped.
-My wife just farted in front of another man. I’m so embarrassed.
-I can’t show embarrassment in front of this dude.
-I’m scared but can’t let him see how nervous I am. He’s so cool and calm.
-I feel useless. Doc’s the hero. *I* want to be the hero, this is MY wife.
-This is messy and slimy and I don’t like another man being here.
-She’s pushing and she’s … well… it’s her ‘ugly’ face. I don’t want this dude to think my wife’s ugly.
-Those sounds she’s making… I’ve only heard those sounds come out of her when we have sex. My wife is making sex sounds while this other man has his hands in her vagina.
-I have a son! I want to cry! I’m a father! I have to be cool, though, because he’s here.
-That’s my son! What’s he doing with my son? I want to protect my wife and child, but I’m not in charge here!

The mother’s responds to her partner’s awkwardness. She senses his discomfort, which makes her uneasy which hinders her birth, and that’s why things sometimes go smoothly when he leaves. All the negative energy is gone, and the energy in the room focuses on her and her labor.

But, everyone blames the “blood” and “mess” for making fathers uncomfortable.

Sheila Stubbs
I learned the hard way to Birth the Easy Way!
www.birthingtheeasyway.com

And my reply(with some added eloquence, because I’m a goddess and I get to edit myself ;o):

Fabulously right Sheila! I’m laughing and nodding and saying oh yes, so true! My darling superhero was probably terrified at my first birth because it was well, my first birth! Also I had 4 strangers yelling and holding my legs up in the air, while I’m flat on my back with an oxygen mask over my face and then they asked if I wanted a mirror to see the baby crown! I’m in the most traumatic position you could possibly be in for a totally natural vaginal birth, and they want me to enjoy the view? yikes! darling superhero was freaked!(but recovered nicely because he’s a superhero- did I mention that?) But during our unassisted birth he dove right into the pool and made the catch himself (my hands didn’t reach as I put on 90 pounds (good gracious!) I agree I could have totally done it without him, but it was nice to have his calm presence there!

xox,
Heather

Perhaps the fear and trauma that some men exhibit after the birth, are a result of the hospital practices and not the actual birth itself?

this musing is kind of related to this musing:Michel Odent Didn’t Write the Article!

This was sent to me a couple of weeks ago, but got moved to the back burner by the Time magazine article…but, here it goes: A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child (Thank you Carolyn and Claire!) I have many many thoughts, most of which I’ll be getting to in the next few comics, but here’s one: I can make the leap with him about questioning the validity of MEN being at births, but apparently he is using the term Men to mean FATHER. why is he not making the leap to include ALL men? including the Male OB/GYNs? Including himself? I would think that the father of the baby has more of a right to be there than the Dr. who has only met the mother 4 times, for pete’s sake! And if MEN in the form of Ob/gyns hadn’t started attending births the role of the man might have stayed unchanged through time: holding the space, protecting the quiet, boiling the water, just within a helpful, but waiting range. But if there’s going to be a male doctor in the space, why not the father? And the inverse must be true, if not the father, than why still the Doctor?
This is Michel Odent who has attended thousands of births assumably bringing his adrenaline with him, and now we find out he wouldn’t attend his own wife’s births?! Harumph. My father can’t imagine being at a birth, my husband can’t imagine missing it.These are both caring men in different cultural contexts. Remind me to give them both a hug because neither of these men would ever be so arrogant as to believe they should sit in on OTHER women’s births. Oh yes, Ladies, I believe Dr. Odent just crossed my line ;o).

Also, and I’ll be talking about this one directly, what the heck is up with THIS throw away line:

“Of course, it would not be possible for women to give birth alone.”?

huh? wow. okay. How about you try telling that to the millions of women who have!

My thoughts are running away with me, I best get my sharpie pens!

Love,
Heather

This Musing is totally related to this Musing: Michel Odent Didn’t Write the Article!

And I suppose Time Magazine is trying to make us more aware of the new trends with their article Choosy Mothers Choose Cesarean (Thank you Cathy, Euna, Kati, and Findley!) yeesh, and arrrrrrrrgh, and grrrrrrrrrrr.

your thoughts?

And this reminds me, now more than ever we need to get our birth stories out into the world…

Calling for Birth Stories!

If you have a birth story (preferably unassisted, but if it’s assisted it shouldn’t focus on the midwife- not that she’s not totally AWESOME, please don’t understand, I LOVE midwives! - too much, I’m looking for birth stories that focus on the mother, the baby and the birth process.) please send it in to be included in the next Hathor book (I’m too poor to pay you, but will happily give you a couple of the books and my undying gratitude!) Plus, you’ll be in print! My friend, Gurumama, is going to be editing the book so I’ll be passing the stories along to her and she’ll be in touch about whether they’ll be included or not…Please forward this widely!

Here’s what you can do to make the birth story exactly what I’m looking for:

1. remove the paragraphs where you’re making your decision to birth at home, or birth unassisted. for instance in my birth story of Gwyneth Kai, I’m going to remove the first paragraph where I blather on about wanting a birth that was free of interventions. For the sake of argument, lets agree that the audience for this book already WANTS a birth that’s free of interventions. Let’s ASSUME we live in a world where ALL women want no interventions. It’s a given. How would you start your birth story then…probably at the first contraction, huh? Okay, start there.

2. If you’re telling an unassisted birth story or an assisted birth story, let’s just call it a birth. Take out all the qualifiers and just birth that baby!

3. fear is fine, but how ’bout a little bit about how you ‘rise above’ the fear? And don’t forget to include those moments when you weren’t afraid. I like to read birth stories where the laboring mother ‘just knew’ what to do. It comforts me, and when I gave birth the third time I was able to tune into my instincts because I had read so many birth stories by women who ‘just knew’.

and 4. if you think your birth story can do all of this but it includes an intervention anyway, heck, send it in. Interventions happen, as do transfers, it’s how we FEEL (and write) about them that matters. Can your birth story tell how you transfered to the hospital and delivered your breech baby into the hands of some strange doctor, but still, wow! isn’t birth great?! and wouldn’t you do it again?

So, that’s what I’m looking for…please send them in! hathor at thecowgoddess.com or in the comments below.

Love,
Heather

this musing is related to this comic: cesarean awareness!