Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves!
Okay, okay, so I backslid a bit recently and found myself in an unhappy place with unhappy children. Who knows what happened? I expected too much, maybe. Forgot to slow down, certainly. Didn’t pay close enough attention, perhaps. Until one day it crossed my mind that my children were ‘out of control’! Which of course is a sign that I, myself, need to do some internal work. Because here’s the thing, children are always doing the best they can socially given the circumstances. Obviously the circumstances I was presenting to my family were not optimal for growing and loving the young folk.
As luck would have it though about 2 years ago I bought this book:
and then quickly forgot about it in the stacks of books around here, and voila! there it was. Right when I needed it most. I’m almost all the way through it and what a difference, I’m remembering to take a deep breath, look my children in the eyes and to listen, again. These are things that are easy to remember (at least I think so!) when our kids are right there in the sling or at our ankles, but so much harder to remember when they’re running to and fro, in and out of our sight-lines. An arm around their shoulders, a quiet, thoughtful tuning-in. If you’re at a crossroads with children and need an extra reminder then GET THIS BOOK. If you’re not in the place to need it, but oh you might someday, buy it anyway and leave it under the couch for that rainy day when you are drawn to yelling for expediency or demanding for the power of it all, for those days, it’s the perfect antidote.
xox,
Heather
ps this musing is related to this comic:punitive parenting suit!
KrisWW said,
June 14, 2008 @ 1:15 am
Saw the word ’suit’ and was expecting a law suit against the punitive parents.
I could do with that carrot on a stick, mind. Although an ice cream would be far more effective.
fibercrazed said,
June 14, 2008 @ 4:37 am
Hathor, have you been spying on me? As I struggle to get a handle on summer break as well as adjusting to a new family member, I NEED a wake-up and a road map back to being the kind of mother I want to be. Thanks! (Off to the library!)
creative spirit said,
June 14, 2008 @ 6:36 am
Umm… so it could just be because it’s early in the morning (for me) or it could be because my pregnancy brain is on over load… Anyways. I can’t seem to figure out what book you’re talking about? Is it actually titled Punitive Parenting Sucks?
Hathor said,
June 14, 2008 @ 6:52 am
Hi Creative Spirit,
It’s called Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort, it’s so good. Alas, my post was not very good, kind of confusing because I don’t really explain the title very well. I was tending toward MORE punitive parenting, the book Raising our Children reminded me that I don’t want to be a punitive parent. Okay, I hope that explains it ;o) And while I was at it I changed the title of the post. Much better!
xox,
Heather
esper_d said,
June 14, 2008 @ 11:23 am
LOl at the guilt deflector
sugaredharpy said,
June 15, 2008 @ 10:41 am
I also really love the book, Adventures in Gentle Discipline, by Hilary Flower, published by La Leche League.
I have 12 and 13 year old boys and not a parent of toddlers and young children the book is really geared toward, but it is EXTREMELY useful.
julie said,
June 15, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
Another good one: Kids are Worth It! Not sure I have the spelling perfect but the author is Barbara Colorossa(sp?). An old classic. I had to read a lot of the author’s work when going to college to be a teacher. She’s against manipulation; punishment OR rewards, as well as nagging.. and encourages natural consequences, mutual respect, trust, etc.. An excellent paradigm and great for a parent’s self-examination. That’s the book I keep returning to for simple reminders.
Julinda said,
June 16, 2008 @ 8:34 am
Sounds like a good book! I need something to help me stay positive w/my 8-year-old. Fortunately he will often tell me when I am getting too far off the positive path.
And I’m getting better at noticing it myself. But I’d rather do better to begin with. I’m the model of patience w/babies (I always tell myself they are still learning and don’t know any better) but the older they get the harder it is for me.
Punitive parenting makes me sad!