Co-sleeping!
Posted on | May 16, 2008 |
Parents warned about sleeping with infants Thanks Kathleen (who said, “I’m 99.99% certain you’ve seen this, but just in case the Times was smart enough not to deliver a paper to you (or let you access their website) today, here it is.” hee hee) and Gurumama who says there was also a story on NPR.
There is already a wikipedia entry: Co-sleeping and since the article quotes Dr. Sears I thought this article would be useful: CO-SLEEPING: YES, NO, SOMETIMES? I found this website cosleeping.org and this article (a couple of years dated, but still applicable, I think) Cosleeping in the Media: They’re Still at It by Linda Palmer, DC and here it is 2008 and they’re still, still at it!
I think it’s important not to get bogged down in the ’safety’ issues, they’re trying to ‘normalize’ cribs by making us think that sleeping beside our baby is so dangerous that we need a 10 point safety system to be safe. The truth is if you are breastfeeding then you are hormonally ready to respond to your babies cues during the night and if you follow some reasonable common sense its as safe as anything else you do with your baby. With my tiny babies I carried them sleeping in the sling until I was ready to go to sleep and then slept with them on the crook of my arm. And that’s it, simple.
Love,
Heather
this Musing is related to this comic: Co-Sleeping is the Practice of!
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18 Responses to “Co-sleeping!”
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May 16th, 2008 @ 9:51 am
Right… because I’m going to roll over onto something the size of my baby in my sleep and somehow not notice! (Someone had better also tell my dog that sleeping under the covers with her mistress can be dangerous!)
Interesting tangent- when we were house hunting, a lot of the places we were shown had a “first-floor master”. That means that Mom & Dad sleep on one floor; the kids upstairs. I turned them all down- how could I hear them cry? And do I really want to be plodding up and down the stairs at all hours? It says something about our society that we think it’s okay for parents and children to sleep not just in separate beds, but on separate levels of the house!
May 16th, 2008 @ 10:48 am
I wonder if you can curl yourself and the baby in a crib together? Would that make it better? j/k.
I haven’t fallen out of the bed in years- why? because I’m aware of where the edge is. I’m so much more aware of where my baby is that I’m not going to roll over and squish her. Gosh!
May 16th, 2008 @ 10:51 am
“The statement pointed to one study showing that nearly half of 119 infants who died suddenly and unexpectedly during a four-year period in the St. Louis area did so while sleeping with someone else.”
This is just laughable.
I’m not great at maths, but if NEARLY half of the babies who died, did so when sleep-sharing, then that must mean that MORE THAN half died while sleeping alone.
Ergo, lone sleeping must therefore be more dangerous than co sleeping.
Talk about hidden agenda! Definitely a rouse to promote cribs.
May 16th, 2008 @ 12:59 pm
Even sleeping in car seats or bouncy chairs, which I see constantly and did with my boys, can be dangerous. Cribs went against all of my maternal instincts; it just took me a little while to listen to them. My baby did a good job of telling me that sleeping in a crib wasn’t ideal by the way he cried and the lack of sleep I and he both got. With my second son, we coslept from day 1 and he’s been so happy that mommy knew just what he needed from the start: cosleeping!
May 16th, 2008 @ 11:26 pm
As I was reading the article I thought “Why is everyone trying to “fix” everyone else? Why can’t we just do what we feel is best for our own without doing random one-sided studies that just cost money and get us nowhere, other than adding more restrictions to other people that we don’t agree with?”
It’s insane! Some mom experiences a tragic loss of her child by whatever means. That mom now calls for stronger controls of other people, just so THEY don’t experience what she went through. The pain and loss of a child.
Um. . . okay. But just because your child died that way doesn’t mean mine will. Why can’t you just get the word out on how to be safer, and what led to your child’s death rather than FORCING ME to do something that can’t be proven safer or more effective than wht I am already doing? Besides where is all this money coming from to determine how people are sleeping, or how babies are eating, or even WHAT babies are eating, how people are learning, how people stay healthy, when people buckle their seat belts, how many people carry guns, who parks in handicap spots, etc etc etc.
Wasted money for the most part. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I wouldn’t let my neighbor tell me HOW to raise my child in the slightest! They don’t know me or my parenting practices! I’ve had 7 kids, co-slept with all of them and not one of them has died yet. I have a “statistic” that shows that when I homebirth I have a 100% success rate, no episiotomies, no epidurals, no fetal monitoring, and of course no c/s. But out of 7 of my children only 5 were born at home. Does this mean that my success rate drops to 86%? or that my risk of having a c/s is 14% since I’ve had one c/s? Or for my out of hospital birth success rate is it actually 71%, since 2 were born in a hospital, by choice at the time.
Statitstics mean absolutely NOTHING unless every single person in the world was polled, monitored, watched, recorded, etc etc etc. Where one group has a 10% c/s rate, another similar group has a 50% c/s rate.
UGH!…
As far as “SIDS” is concerned, not a single one of those children who suffocated in bed with a parent died of it. They died of suffocation, NOT SIDS!! SIDS is Sudden INfant Death Syndrom. Syndrom meaning that there is no known cause! To say that a baby died of SIDS after being suffocated in a family bed is wrong! The baby died of SUFFOCATION! There was a CAUSE! Just because it was an infant and it died does NOT mean it should be labeled as “SIDS”. If that’s the case then any adult that dies it should just simply be labled SADS - Sudden Adult Death Syndrom.
I am NOT a statistic I am an INDIVIDUAL! No two peole are alike, and telling me what happened to 10 other people does NOT give me an accurate picture or even prediction of what WILL or ‘could’ happen to me.
I know what works for me, and we are happy! So far I am doing very well! We birth unassisted, home school, co-sleep, breastfeed (or exclusively pump), we don’t circumcise, we don’t vaccinate, and I don’t try and force other people to do what I am doing, just because it’s worked for me thus far! I don’t know you, your health, your situation, your religion, etc etc etc.
The ONLY thing I promote is awareness of all options. Educate yourself on topics and issues and options. Remember that stats are biased and for every 5 pro stats you find you can 5 con stats. Try to think about who is getting paid, behind the stats.
Who says BF is “okay but there are other options”. Hmm formula companies, doctors, pharmacutical companies, and even government agencies. Who promotes breastfeeding? Usually mother’s and doctors who believe in the benefits. Not too many of them have the money to pay lobbists to push for better BF laws. Why not? Because BF is free! Formula however takes your money and then uses the money to help promote their agenda for even more money.
Who says co-sleeping is “bad”? Crib manufacturers, doctors, and even governement agencies. Mostly from the trickle down effect. The givernement says it’s “bad” because the crib companies want to make more money so they pay the government officials to push for studies to show how “dangerous” it is.
Just remember - Cigarettes used to be “safe” and they NEVER harmed people or killed anyone. They never gave people cancer either. Some doctors recommended them too! Money talks. If you want more money, then scare people into thinking that they NEED stuff that could kill them! Like formula, cribs, vaccines, cosmetic surgery for the removal of the foreskin, and even public school.
I wish more people would wake up and realize statistics are all bunk.
May 17th, 2008 @ 1:24 am
They couldn’t even get BILL Sears name right. How can we trust the rest of their “facts”? lol
May 17th, 2008 @ 7:38 am
i’d like to amend the definition you used in your comic. you said co-sleeping is the practice of mothers sleeping next to their infants to facilitate breastfeeding. which i totally agree with. however, i did not breastfeed my first (long story; moving on), but still co-slept. why? because i knew it would help both of us develop a healthy sleep pattern and would help form a more secure attachment. so maybe it could insteady say:
co-sleeping is the practice of mothers sleeping next to their infants to facilitate breastfeeding and promote healthy sleep patterns and a secure attachment for mother and baby.
May 17th, 2008 @ 8:14 am
RIGHT ON!
Heather in Tucson
May 17th, 2008 @ 8:28 am
Here’s another definition- “parenting” doing what you know is best for your child(ren) while politely ignoring those around you who try to “help”.
May 17th, 2008 @ 2:48 pm
Just adding on to slingnmom’s point.
My friend was killed by a hit and run driver on his 21st birthday when he stepped off the curb into a crosswalk at 2PM. He was sober, with friends, and waited for the walk sign. Despite knowing how he died I still choose to cross in crosswalks when the walk sign is on. I don’t go crossing in the middle of the street or when don’t walk is flashing.
Studies are great when they use real data and have real conclusions. Lumping stoned care givers w/ sober (if tired) mothers isn’t useful. I chose to breast feed based on research studies.
Follow up to another point above. I hadn’t thought about the size of an infant. I’m generally a sound sleeper - but I def. have a Princess and the Pea issue. I am MISERABLE and do not sleep if there are pebbles or even cracker crumbs under my back. If something that small keeps me awake….
May 17th, 2008 @ 8:55 pm
excellent observation, phoenix. you made me smile out loud.
May 18th, 2008 @ 5:44 am
Next thing you know, the “experts” are going to tell us that holding babies is terribly unsafe, and we should handle them as little as possible!
May 18th, 2008 @ 10:52 am
wiffersnapper, didn’t people actually say that up until quite recently? i believe their claim is that we are “spoiling” our babies by giving them the love & attention they ask for & that we are being “manipulated” by people who have only been in those little bodies a few weeks.
May 18th, 2008 @ 4:05 pm
Our doctor says, (and this is why we love him so much!) that you can’t spoil a baby under the age of one. “Give her what she needs when she asks for it,” is his mantra, and I agree completely. Gotta go- my baby needs me to spoil her by nursing her until she falls asleep and then letting her sleep on my chest.
May 19th, 2008 @ 5:14 am
Had to laugh at this in the linked-to article on askdrsears.com:
“The earthy term ‘family bed,’ while appealing to many, is a turn-off to parents who imagine a pile of kids squeezed into a small bed with dad and the family dog perched precariously on the mattress edge.”
At our house that would be Mom and the cat perched precariously on the edge. But fortunately that’s just when everyone (me, my husband, both kids, and both cats) are in our (queen-sized) bed. Usually it’s just me, my little guy, and one cat. Even then I seem to end up on the edge, just not as precariously!
May 19th, 2008 @ 5:30 am
wiffersnapper - i agree completely about the bedrooms. So many houses I’ve looked at with long term options had my kids sleeping on an upper or lower level floor separate from what would be our room. No way, ever, not until their 16.
EVERYONE in my family who found out we were co-sleeping gave me the same “oh that’s dangerous” & “you better get him sleeping in a crib soon”… why? He’s 8 months old now and if he gets put in his crib when I’m not in the room doing something then he screams because he feels abandoned.
Why would I do this to him on purpose?!
May 21st, 2008 @ 9:14 pm
here’s what I don’t get… we don’t tell people who never let their child near their bed one minute that they are damaging their children (though I firmly believe that a child who comes to me in the night terrified from a nightmare should be welcomed lovingly to sleep next to his mother where he can slip back to sleep in a mere 5 seconds just by knowing that he is safe next to the woman who has cared for him his whole life rather than being told he must never (even as a very young child of 2-4yrs… let alone the 8.5yrs my oldest son is at) sleep in the bed and must, instead, sleep alone, still recovering from fear. Now that he is as old as he is, my oldest will refuse the proferred space in the bed and ask simply for me to tuck him into his bed, basically just wanting a hug and reassurance, or ask for me to move his brother over in HIS bed so that he can get in next to him, because he now worries more about leaving his brother alone in their room than getting the comfort of being next to someone directly from me.
My daughter is 4 and still in our bed. I totally agree that I could not imagine any of my kids, especially her, on another floor of the house. A child who is barely awake enough to walk and who is terrified from a nightmare should not have to find his/her way up OR down a flight of stairs if they don’t have to.
Now she has gotten to where I would like to start getting her into her own bed, but we’ll do it as gently as possible and not until she’s in a place with no big changes about to occur (right now, we are concentrating on getting her to use the big toilet… she prefers her baby bjorn chair, and working on the preschool stuff I have for her and making new friends on playdates.
I moved my first at 5, which was when he was ready. My second was ready earlier… asking to sleep in the room where his toys and books and a bed for when he wanted it were at age 2… so it was just adding his brother that was the big transition… he loved it. I’ll move my daughter around age 5 if she’s ready… but if she’s not, we’ll wait.
June 9th, 2008 @ 10:32 am
I think this is my first comment. I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while since your last comic (although been reading your blog for over a year!) If the scientist are so smart (which I think they are, because I’m one), then at what age is it okay to co-sleep? I mean, we as adults can sleep with our partners with no issues, right? So at some point, it must become safe again to sleep together. If the “studies” have really shown that a 150 lb adult can’t sleep with a 10 lb baby, then at what point can two sleep together? At 25 lbs? 50 lbs? How about a 40 lb child and a 20 lb child? Can they sleep together? If they really were studying cosleeping “scientifically”, they would establish the limits of safety. Just like with car seats. That’s how I know that the “study” wasn’t conducted with the intent of actually learning about safety.