Nowadays the way a woman gives birth is complicated…it involves frantic travel…machinery…blinky lights and beeping noises…as well as a support staff of 4 or 5 people maybe more…and happens in a ’sterile’ environment.

Yet it never occurs to us to ask ourselves, Have our bodies really changed so much?
And do we really need all these complications?

this comic is related to this comic: The Way Women Gave Birth!

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This from an e-mail exchange I had yesterday:

Hey Heather

I have a few musing of my own on the issue of fathers at births.
I wouldn’t say as others have, “I never could have done it without him” because quite frankly, I’m sure I could have done it without my husband there!

I wonder if the issue isn’t whether or not men are at birth, but what may be a hindrance in some situations is that the dynamics change when there are TWO men present while a woman births. I think dad may have some extremely awkward feelings he can’t bring to the surface, and certainly can’t verbalize:

-I’ve never been so excited! But I don’t want to cry in front of this other man!
-That dude has his hand in my wife’s vagina. I’m watching this other man touch my wife’s private parts! I don’t like it but I can’t do anything about it! I feel like I’m being forced to watch her be raped.
-My wife just farted in front of another man. I’m so embarrassed.
-I can’t show embarrassment in front of this dude.
-I’m scared but can’t let him see how nervous I am. He’s so cool and calm.
-I feel useless. Doc’s the hero. *I* want to be the hero, this is MY wife.
-This is messy and slimy and I don’t like another man being here.
-She’s pushing and she’s … well… it’s her ‘ugly’ face. I don’t want this dude to think my wife’s ugly.
-Those sounds she’s making… I’ve only heard those sounds come out of her when we have sex. My wife is making sex sounds while this other man has his hands in her vagina.
-I have a son! I want to cry! I’m a father! I have to be cool, though, because he’s here.
-That’s my son! What’s he doing with my son? I want to protect my wife and child, but I’m not in charge here!

The mother’s responds to her partner’s awkwardness. She senses his discomfort, which makes her uneasy which hinders her birth, and that’s why things sometimes go smoothly when he leaves. All the negative energy is gone, and the energy in the room focuses on her and her labor.

But, everyone blames the “blood” and “mess” for making fathers uncomfortable.

Sheila Stubbs
I learned the hard way to Birth the Easy Way!
www.birthingtheeasyway.com

And my reply(with some added eloquence, because I’m a goddess and I get to edit myself ;o):

Fabulously right Sheila! I’m laughing and nodding and saying oh yes, so true! My darling superhero was probably terrified at my first birth because it was well, my first birth! Also I had 4 strangers yelling and holding my legs up in the air, while I’m flat on my back with an oxygen mask over my face and then they asked if I wanted a mirror to see the baby crown! I’m in the most traumatic position you could possibly be in for a totally natural vaginal birth, and they want me to enjoy the view? yikes! darling superhero was freaked!(but recovered nicely because he’s a superhero- did I mention that?) But during our unassisted birth he dove right into the pool and made the catch himself (my hands didn’t reach as I put on 90 pounds (good gracious!) I agree I could have totally done it without him, but it was nice to have his calm presence there!

xox,
Heather

Perhaps the fear and trauma that some men exhibit after the birth, are a result of the hospital practices and not the actual birth itself?

this musing is kind of related to this musing:Michel Odent Didn’t Write the Article!