The Resolutions, and an Apology!
Well, here I am making my resolutions (6 in all!) when by the time I get to the last one (good thoughts, spread them…) I realize that a few days ago I broke that resolution (ALREADY!- maybe it doesn’t count because I broke it before I even made it, but I’m going to apologize anyway). Here goes. You see, a few days ago I published on my blog a list of the most horrific and underreported birth stories of the past year. Sure, I put a ‘caution’ at the front, but if you are anything like me, you’ll read them anyway, and then lay awake haunted by how awful it all is. And the thing is, knowing about these terribly sad stories doesn’t really make anything better, not for the women or families involved and not really for the millions of women who are pregnant and are choosing a place/way to birth right now. It might scare them into a homebirth, but a fear-based homebirth isn’t really what anyone’s after, is it?
I think everyone will agree that there are plenty of incredibly frightening birth stories out there in the world. How ’bout we spread some of the good stories, even if they aren’t your own? I’ve got a collection of about 3 that I tell people about whenever I get the chance. The first and second are my own births, the third is a wonderful story of a post-term unassisted vbac at home. It’s fabulous. And I want some more, because I want to compile them into a book of birthstories and comics and funnies and writings that any of us could give to a new-ly pregnant mama and feel confident that it will grow trust, in our bodies, and our births. So, check out the post ‘calling for Birth stories!’ if you’d like to spread some good thoughts around with me…
xox,
Heather
yvetteyasui said,
January 8, 2008 @ 2:13 am
A friend of mine had her mind and body made up to have a VBAC for her second child. She is a Bikram Yoga practitioner and she bikramed her way through her whole second pregnancy, while also working (she is a professor) and mothering her first child. Her second child was born without a hitch, she came out fast and happy. I always tell this as an empowering mama story, especially for mamas considering VBAC.
Julinda said,
January 8, 2008 @ 5:59 am
Sorry, no good birth stories from me. I had 2 induced hospital births - the first with a dangerous controversial drug (although I didn’t know that until later) because the baby was 2 weeks past the estimated due date, and the second 10 days early due to my mild well-controlled type 2 diabetes. I loved being pregnant but the birth experiences haunt me!
BUT I just wanted to say I love this idea. I strongly believe spreading things via positive promotion rather than negatives about the alternatives (although some of that can be useful) is more effective and just makes everything more - positive. Just wish the politicians would give that method as well.
Julinda said,
January 8, 2008 @ 6:01 am
Sorry I put my negative stories in my post! (DUH.) Feel free to delete that post if it takes away from the positive vibes you are going for.
Julinda
amyphilo said,
January 8, 2008 @ 9:15 am
One thing my midwife asked me to do was write out my ideal fantasy birth. After it was over, and I had the baby, she pointed out at the 2 day home visit that my actual birth was remarkably close to my fantasy birth. To a certain extent your mind does control things… =)
I had a home birth - no time to set up a tub because I woke up at 3:45 am with my water leaking, then got in the tub, where it broke completely into the bath water. I had some candles burning and at first my labor companion was just my Tabby cat Oliver who watched me, a bit concerned looking really. I finally realized after about 10 minutes that I needed to wake up Joel because things were so fast and strong. Joel called my mom to come watch Isaac, and then the midwife, and things pretty much took care of themselves. I spent some of the labor in the bath until that was uncomfortable, and some on the toilet, and most of it in the bed on my side relaxing during contractions and not pushing until my body forced me to. Yes, it hurt - a lot. But not enough to make me lose it or anything. It actually probably hurt more when I had Isaac with the pitocin in the hospital before the epidural. Anyway Toby was born at 8:16 am and weighed 9 lbs 15 oz, and had a 14 inch head. I had worried about perineal tearing because I had an episiotomy with my epidural birth (big shocker). But no tearing. Just a beautiful fat little baby who had reddish skin and black hair, who smiled after nursing while sleeping with his head resting on my breast like a baby pillow.
amyphilo said,
January 8, 2008 @ 9:19 am
OK that made no sense, probably because Isaac was on my lap asking where the cow lady holding the baby was and where the mouse was and where my other gray computer was… anyway
I was going to use a large tub for a water birth but I used my garden tub instead… also the fantasy birth I wrote down was to go into labor in the morning after a long restful night’s sleep, with nobody there but me (almost true, it was just me and Oliver for 10 minutes, then me and Joel for about 2 hours, then the midwife and her assistant showed up about half way through), and that it would be quick and easy and painless, and Isaac would be in the living room watching Dora the Explorer the whole time.
Isaac was actually nursing at the time my water started leaking, and then when I got up, he stayed asleep in the bed until my mom arrived. I was actually on the bed in labor for part of the time he was sleeping and he didn’t wake up. LOL
Then he went into the living room and rocked in the recliner with my mom.
ms_erin said,
January 9, 2008 @ 9:14 am
I think positive birth stories are a Great Idea! I think that inspiration does more to change the world than brow-beating does. Let’s Lift them Up! Then they can begin to understand why home birth, and breast feeding, and caring for little ones is So Important.
So my birth story, abbreviated.
The first signs of labor began for me when I was drinking divine hot cocoa from a specialty shop with my Mother. It was my first baby, and I really didn’t understand what was happening. Mom looked at me over her hot cocoa, and then started coaching me through it. She helped me understand how to get a grip on the sensations instead of interpreting them as pain, and then I just wanted to walk around, so she told me to do that, and call my midwives later. Which I did, but I really was having a hard time figuring out how to work with the contractions, so that process took a couple of days. In the meantime, I did a lot of walking, ate when I was hungry, slept when I was tired, and checked in regularly with the people in my life who cared about me. I was frustrated with the early part of labor after a while so I asked my midwife when the pushing part was going to happen, and she said, “Don’t push until you really feel like you need to”. That sounds simple, but it was a real revelation to me. It’s just the opposite of what you see on TV.
After a while it became apparent that I was having 1/2 hour contractions that were really strong, but they weren’t getting any closer together. So my midwives (all 3) started checking the reference books and trying to figure out what was going on. This didn’t scare me. I knew I was okay, and we knew my baby was unstressed from her heart beat, so aside from being tired, I felt like things were fine, and that I was strong, and I could do this. They found that the strange pattern of contractions meant that my baby was a little twisted, like she had a shoulder or something in the way. We figured out a couple of positions I could try to sit and lie in to turn the baby that last little bit, and that’s what I did, with lots of rest breaks over night. That night I had a lot of encouragement from the people around me, and I was really glad. It gave me the mental strength I needed to keep going. In the early hours of the next morning, I felt the little one inside me shift, and I dug deep in my psyche and started calling to my baby. I told her how much I loved her and missed her and wanted her to be born. It was about 10 minutes later that I got up and my water broke. That was a big deal, and I rested.
An hour or so later one of our housemates left for work, and after he did, my midwives told me to try going to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet, but really felt the urge to push instead of doing anything else. The told me to go ahead and try, so there I was pushing, and that felt really good. I could feel my baby kicking her legs inside me trying to get out, and it didn’t take long for us to get coordinated so that we were working together. That’s when my husband found me, and told my midwives to get downstairs because I was busy having the baby on my own. They told me to slow down, but I felt really good. I felt really powerful. I was asked to breathe slowly, and when I did that I felt like a massive freight train. I felt that powerful. I know I was yelling a little with the pain, but all was I was feeling was satisfaction. My baby was coming, and I was finally going to see her! Then, I was holding her in my arms and it was the most powerful and moving thing that I ever experienced. I fell in love with her in a way that was so complete and amazing that I could hardly believe it was happening. I fell in love with my husband again too, for believing in me and trusting me even though he was clearly worried through parts of it, and most of all it just felt really good to hold my baby in my arms and relax after all of that hard work.
That’s my story. I feel happy and proud of my birth, and my baby girl, and when things got hard later and she had colic and was up all night for days in a row, it was an important touchstone for me. I’d think and say to her, “we got through birth together, we can get through this too”. I think that having a positive birth really helped my whole family come together in way that made us strong and whole.
mammal said,
January 10, 2008 @ 2:50 am
what a beautiful story, i started to cry a bit!