What would You do about Waaaah on the Baby Monitor?

December 1, 2007 at 7:58 am · Filed under MUSINGS, things to do

Dear Mama,
Post your ideas here…

xox,
Heather

15 Comments »

  1. biberin said,

    December 2, 2007 @ 8:06 am

    When my across-the-street neighbors were “sleep training” a 3mo, our monitors got crossed. So I turned on my transmitter and told them “THIS IS GOD. PICK UP THE BABY.” in a deep voice. It worked! (or at least they got a new monitor. . .)

  2. mrsncook said,

    December 2, 2007 @ 10:41 am

    I used a baby monitor for my child, because that’s what was commonly done. My husband insisted I put the baby in her own bed at around 3-4 months, so I compromised and put her in the bassinet outside of the door and eventually moved her to across the hall. I didn’t like leaving her all alone, though, so I put the monitor in her room and literally slept on the one in my room. (Yes, it was uncomfortable on my ear!) I didn’t know about attachment parenting, and my efforts at doing things more naturally were shot down. I didn’t have a good support system, and I didn’t have a good role model growing up as to how to be an attached parent.

    What would have benefited me was someone willing to talk to me more and support me more. Someone who would say, “That’s great you’re cloth diapering your child. Try the ___ diapers, because they’re easier.” Someone who would say, “Good job breastfeeding. Sometimes it gets tough around 3-4 months, but keep at it.” Someone who would say, “You’re right to feel like you should keep your baby close. Did you know that many women keep their babies with them until ___ and cosleep. Maybe you should try cosleeping for a little longer if you feel that strongly about it.”

    Having someone to talk to and encourage me would have gone a long way to being a successful parent. As is, I had three children in a row (now ages 10, 9, 8), and I didn’t have support. I used the monitor, because that’s what everyone did. I didn’t know better, and having someone show up at the door and begin friendly conversations like, “Hi! I saw you had a new baby sign up, and I wanted to congratulate you. By the way, here’s a parenting book I’m done with, if you would like to look at it…” would have been a big step in a helpful direction.

    And, yes, I did have mishaps with the baby monitor. Living on a secure navy base, I picked up a conversation that no one should have overheard, and I’ve also overheard cordless phone conversations. I just shut it off and turned it back on later.

  3. msrlmoss said,

    December 2, 2007 @ 10:41 am

    Oh now that’s funny, “this is God. Pick up the baby”!

    Tricky one isn’t it?

    Although when my ds was very little, he would cry inexplicably and all the carrying, wearing, feeding, rocking and whatnot in the world didn’t seem to make a blind bit of difference really; it maybe lessened his crying a little bit but he still cried. I’d feel awful if someone’s baby monitor had picked that up and thought I was just leaving him, when in fact I tried everything… only thing that stopped it really was time (oh and improving his crappy latch made a big difference too).

  4. alisaterry said,

    December 2, 2007 @ 7:08 pm

    The correct answer is “C.” I am now co-sleeping with two children, a 2 year old and two week old. if I can do it, you all can do it!!!!

    Whenever we look at our tiny little daughter, we can’t imagine how anyone can hurt a baby or let one cry or accuse one of being manipulative. That’s tiny little angel? Are you insane?

    The answer is yes. The world is insane. Time to get Goddess-y on the world.

  5. janaki said,

    December 3, 2007 @ 6:01 am

    lol, I have a monitor that I used for all of 3 days. She had been sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed for the first 3-4 months, then we tried switching her to the crib. As I was up all night sure that Gita would wake up at any moment, she got much more sleep than I did. And thus the co-sleeping began! I tried letting her “cry it out”. That lasted for about 5 minutes, then I’m like “Ok, my baby needs me! Mommy to the rescue!” And thus, the attachment parenting began!

  6. janaki said,

    December 3, 2007 @ 6:02 am

    Oh, yeah, and, “C”!

  7. Julinda said,

    December 3, 2007 @ 7:22 am

    I would not confront the parents - telling people that what they are doing is wrong usually just makes them mad and possibly more determined to continue doing it - but would try to find an opportunity to share some alternative methods with them! I try to model a better way with my kids, and I subtly work some remarks into conversations with expectant/new parents about not letting babies cry (as well as co-sleeping being the best way I’ve found for everyone to get sleep). I think just by parenting in a loving way, and telling people about it, it can have an effect on the world.

    I was a new inexperienced mom in the grocery store w/my new little baby in his infant carseat popped onto a shopping cart. He kept crying in spite of my efforts to comfort him. A couple of Amish ladies were going by and the older one said, “I think he wants to be held.” I held him and he calmed down. Most images I’d seen of parenting involved babies quietly riding in carriers and cribs, so her remark was startling to me. I probably would have been an attach parent anyway, because my firstborn craved constant contact (which nearly all babies do, but he was more intense about it) and I would never be able to let a baby cry, but that remark still had a big effect on me. My point is a casual helpful remark at the right moment can have a great deal of impact!

    Julinda

  8. wiffersnapper said,

    December 3, 2007 @ 4:58 pm

    We live in a three-story townhouse, so the baby monitor IS a necessity! If DD is upstairs asleep and I’m downstairs in my sewing room, there’s just no way I’m going to hear her otherwise. And, the simple fact is, I don’t sleep as much as she does! (So I’m not there next to her all the time while she’s asleep.)

    I think all Mommies need to stick together and support each other. I teach with several new Mommies, and we often discuss problems that they’re having together. The one Mommy was told by her doctor to let her five-month-old cry it out and wanted my opinion. I told her that we’ve never done that with DD, and she sleeps just fine now. (I just can’t see how making you child think you’ve abandoned them is going to help them be comfortable enough to go to sleep!) She thought that, since the doctor said it, it must be right. All it took was a reminder not to “give up your Mommy power- you know your kid better than anyone else!” and she was off and running.

    Julinda- We live among the Amish, too. (And I, personally, find them pleasant and extremely sensible, especially on baby matters!) I’m in Lancaster, PA- just curious- where are you?

  9. sewathomemama said,

    December 3, 2007 @ 9:28 pm

    i might do a variation on “c”. i might come to them with a few comfort items or homeopthic remedies, baby in tow, and ask if they need any help. my son was colicky for 3 months, and i can only imagine what our neighbors thought of us, even though we did everything in our power to ease his crying.

  10. mamaluxe said,

    December 4, 2007 @ 7:50 am

    Go over, but be gentle. The mother may have tried everything she knows and may be at wit’s end.

    Maybe ask if you can help? Or wait until the next day (one night of crying isn’t ideal, but it won’t make a huge difference for a healthy baby and it may mean mama is more receptive to your message in the morning) and then go over to introduce yourself as another neighborhood mama and offer some advice, and maybe some assistance.

    Moms have to help out new moms…that’s part of the reason I think so many struggle so much. We lack the support systems we used to have and we are just overwhelmed and tired.

  11. Melissa said,

    December 4, 2007 @ 9:58 am

    The answer for me is all of the above! In that order! (though I may not be able to wait 30 minutes before rushing over and cuddling that crying baby).

    We have used a monitor from day one simply so that I can rush to my baby’s side (in our bed, where she goes to sleep before we do) to nurse the moment I hear her stir.

    Support your local mom! Any and all of them!

  12. ethele said,

    December 4, 2007 @ 4:01 pm

    Variation on C for me as well - go over and offer help (which is pretty darn goddess-y). And then offer help the next night as well, and the next night, and loan my copy of the NCSS (No-Cry Sleep Solution), and if I could take the time off of work or if it was a weekend then also offer several hours of babysitting so the mom could get some sleep.

    I used CIO out of desperation after trying everything for two months with twins waking every hour, not at the same time and a husband who worked late 4 nights a week and couldn’t help at bedtimes. I doubt anyone here will really care about the details. I was literally beating myself up over it, but the only thing worse was NOT using CIO. Even with one baby crying for 90 minutes straight the first night, CIO still *cut down* on the amount of crying.

    The only way that much crying could have been avoided is if someone else had been there every night my husband was gone to help me use the “No-Cry Sleep Solution”, plus to give me a couple hours of unbroken sleep every once in a while (something I hadn’t had in two months - even if DH took care of the girls when they cried, I still usually woke up . . . unless I was just too exhausted). I firmly believe the NCSS would have worked, if only I hadn’t been on my own half the time at bedtime. I would have kissed the feet of a woman willing to sling-walk the baby with less sleep problems each evening while I NCSS’d her sister to sleep until things were okay.

  13. Julinda said,

    December 5, 2007 @ 10:47 am

    Wiffersnapper - I live in SW Indiana. We don’t have a huge Amish population but they are pretty visible. From what I’ve seen and heard, the Amish parent in a very attached way, although I’ve heard they are very strict and sometimes severe in their discipline. I’ve often wanted to talk to the Amish moms and ask about their ways. I sometimes envy their simpler lifestyle although I’m sure they struggle w/most of the same problems the rest of us do!

    Biberin - Forgot to mention, I love your “This is God thing.”

    I’ve been thinking about this article and practically speaking, if we did overhear something like this on a monitor, would there be any way to figure out where it was coming from? I mean, it could be from miles away and from any house, not necessarily your next door neighbor, right?

  14. IndigoEyes said,

    December 5, 2007 @ 11:24 pm

    Most likely ‘C’ Though I’d just send them a copy of NCSS.

  15. amyphilo said,

    December 6, 2007 @ 12:37 pm

    We bought a baby monitor before our first was born, it was $1 at a church resale. It didn’t work that well. I heard the other baby in the neighborhood cry and I turned it off. I used to leave it on all the time in reverse as a pager for my husband to bring me stuff upstairs. Then I realized if I could hear them, they could probably hear me, and I turned it off. Not that I was letting my baby cry, just that I don’t want them hearing our lives. It’s creepy.
    Once I was shoveling snow while my baby was in the exersaucer & even though I was only about 30 feet from him the monitor did not pick up his crying. I haven’t used a monitor since.
    As for what to do with a neighbor… I am not sure about that one except maybe loan her a copy of the Hathor books or tell her about your favorite websites & ask her if she is on the listserv or tell her about the discussion boards you like to spend time on.
    My friend once told me that she was trying to let her newborn cry and I told her she didn’t have to do that and gave her some books, I am not sure it helps. Sometimes it seems to backfire.
    But it is good to be supportive.

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