The language of Child-ism…
When doing some research for the ‘embrace child-ism’ comic I found this article…and it was incredibly helpful and I thought interesting enough to share…Jabberwocky: the peculiar language of the childfree by Mark Peters Enjoy!
Love,
Heather
KrisWW said,
September 19, 2007 @ 2:09 am
I like fartling. Not so sure about nipplecruncher - ouch.
May I suggest ‘infecundites’? Or is that too high-brow for them?
janaki said,
September 19, 2007 @ 5:06 am
lol, well I used to be anti-child back in the day. My husband and I used to call them viruses.
Sanity8080 said,
September 19, 2007 @ 7:54 am
I think I am gonna start adopting the term Baby Rabies. It makes sense, given how badly I want another one.
mamaof5 said,
September 19, 2007 @ 7:56 am
That is messed up. I am sorry but it is. crochfruit? virus? I don’t like it or find it funny. How would people feel if some one blogged about the handcapped? called them vile names? What an uproar… the anti-handcapped movement… can you imagine.
No one is asking everyone to have kids (unless you feel guilty and that isn’t a mother’s fault, or your folks are nagging you) you don’t have to have any kids. In fact I am 100% behind people not having kids if they are not ready or never want to have kids. It is ok not to have children. No need to insult children and mothers. And why is it ok to talk smack about moms and babies but no one is talking nasty about men?
Just another way to put down women and families. Great to know that instead of helping build people up and helping others some people choose to just be jerks.
Heather in Tucson
jmcqbigler said,
September 19, 2007 @ 8:18 am
I think My biggest problem with the article was that we should make the names ok to say to our kids I would never say any of those thing to my kids or about them. I found almost all of them offensive. I called my first nephew a rug rat once not being mean it was the common term at the time and my SIL was very offended by it. I never used it again and now that I have kids I understand why. Plus the auther said people with kids should share what they say about people who do not want kids. I do not know of anyone who says bad things about people who do not want kids why do we care. I would rather that someone who does not want or like kids not have them, that way the child does not get abused by neglectful parents. Why do we have to be disrespectiful to anyone no matter what their choices even if we do not like them we do not have to bash them.
Kyara said,
September 19, 2007 @ 9:12 am
I’ve heard much worse than is in this article. Seriously, it’s not “slang” it’s almost a form of hate speech. Crotchfruit, CrotchDropping, Crotchturd. things like “I can’t believe that Moo squatted out another crotchturd”
People SUE over racial and homosexual speech of this nature. Why is it OK when it’s children?
mamaof5 said,
September 19, 2007 @ 12:53 pm
exactly!
heather in tucson
nak
wiffersnapper said,
September 19, 2007 @ 2:03 pm
And why are people so happy finding ways to criticize other people’s choices? I love my daughter and (probably) daughter-to-be, but that doesn’t mean that I look down on those who can’t have them. I don’t make up names to call people who don’t have children and I don’t yell at bottle-feeding mothers in the mall. Everyone has to make choices based on their life at the moment of the choice. I’ve actually said, in conversation with another Mom, “We have different ways of doing things, but that’s okay.” Is my attitude really that rare?
I will say this- if anyone called my beautiful little girl a “crotchturd”, I would be hard-pressed to resist punching them. But that’s just the redneck in me talkin’.
weehasu said,
September 19, 2007 @ 2:27 pm
Why do they think it’s okay to use that kind of language? Are they really so self-centered that they can’t see how rude and offensive it is? Can you imagine how angry they’d be if we all sat around and came up with stupid names for them? All the people I know that choose to be child-free wouldn’t dream of calling anyone names like that. It seems like a mature child-free adult would be comfortable enough with their lot in life to stay civil when conversing about their fellow mature adults that choose to have children. Get what I’m saying?? I’m tempted to sit here and think about some rottenly cute names to come back with, but I really don’t feel like wasting the time when I wouldn’t dream of using it anyway.
ethele said,
September 19, 2007 @ 2:32 pm
“And why is it ok to talk smack about moms and babies but no one is talking nasty about men?”
My theory . . . Because wanting children is a “woman’s” value, traditionally, and “women’s” values aren’t recognized as being as good as “men’s” values. If a woman wants to be as good as a man, she needs to take on traditionally male values (work, career, aggressiveness, ambition). We can be equal, but only if we pretend to be men. And heaven forbid that a man would actually decide that “women’s” values are so wonderful that he wants to cultivate them and put family first! How many men are afraid to take their entire paternity leave because they don’t want to look like their family is more important than their paid work?
There’s this myth that women have reared and cared for children as their primary task for thousands of years because men made them do it and “limited” them to “mere” care-providing. I can’t believe women are so weak and easily controlled. We reared and cared for children because children are beautiful, wonderful, and miraculous and us women are wise enough to recognize that creating and shaping and nurturing that miracle is the greatest achievement in existance.
My husband was “permitted” to take four days off of work after his twins were born (from his 14 days paid time off, of course) - and since it was a new job, he had no FMLA and no legal grounds to take more leave. This is what happens in a society where “women’s” values and children are dismissed as unworthy.
Want to bet that the female “childfree” see themselves as great feminists? Without even realizing how they’ve bought into the myth that traditionally male values are better than female ones?
Sorry if this is a rant, but the way the feminist movement gave up on promoting women’s values has been a hot-button topic for me lately. The childfree movement fits right in with the trend of insisting women neutralize the very things that make them female - including nurturing our children - in order to be worthy of “feminist” equality. Please tell me - am I off-base here?
analisa_roche said,
September 19, 2007 @ 5:50 pm
ethele, sing it, Sister! Well said!
angelofthenorth said,
September 19, 2007 @ 11:54 pm
Yes, women get bullied for not having children, they get called names, and told they’re selfish, and nasty, and the assumption is that we must hate children, when a number of us devote our non-work time to helping children. We have our choices belittled, that we’ll change our minds, that we can’t know what we want with our own bodies. We’re told that if a woman wants to have a child at 16-18 this is OK, but if a person knows at 16-18 s/he doesn’t want a child then that person will “change their minds” and thus can’t be sterilised, even though the state of having a child is also a permanent choice.
We get children forced on us - yesterday on the bus I had a small child thrust on me, because I was the nearest single young female, and she needed to get off the bus with her other 3. She nearly lost the child - a) I was so surprised I nearly dropped her, and b) the bus doors closed because the driver had assumed I was with the mother and was about to drive off. If I go to a party, I am expected to hold the baby, and there is nastiness if I don’t. I listen politely to talk of babies, but if I wish to discuss my interests (public life and so on) I’m told that it’s pointless and the discussion goes back to baby.
We’re told that it takes a village to raise a child - when the parent wants free baby-sitting. When we dare ask that a child be kept quiet (for example during a safety lecture where the mother had insisted on bringing her child) then we’re told we don’t have a right to say anything. And that safety lecture was a place where we needed an “adults-only space” - the equipment we are using is quite intricate, with specific procedures. If an adult is distracted looking after the child, then the risk is potentially fatal if the wrong information has been gathered. If adults are out at a restaurant for a business meeting, then I think it’s fair that they shouldn’t be interrupted by anyone screaming their heads off, or smoking, or generally being anti-social, just as they shouldn’t be anti-social.
We don’t need “Adult only” space, just “Adult Space” where a certain way of behaving is expecting - that we are calm and considerate of each other, that anyone being loud and raucous will be removed, that we eat as a group and appropriately (I mean here “encourage breastfeeding at table”). Same as we all need “Child space” to be childlike equally, without single people being demonised as potential paedophiles, or abductors and so on. I’m thinking especially of single men, here. How many of you know mothers that wouldn’t let a single man/boy look after their children where they would allow a single woman?
FYI there are male names - “Duh”, BNP (Breeder, not Parent) is non-specific, Baby-Daddy, and so on.
Often, the usage is when a parent is saying how wonderful their little angel is, while the child is biting, hitting, pulling hair, not stopping when asked (or being removed so that she can recover in quiet and get her equilibrium back). Given that mothers are the usual public care-givers, then more have evolved for women. When men are the primary care-givers, then the language will shift. It’s the backlash against those who elevate motherhood to being the most important thing in their life *AND EVERY OTHER WOMAN’S*, when for a child-free person the concern might be over-population, caring for the environmnet, needing to find cures for over-consumption, obesity, and so on. It’s particularly reserved for those who dismiss everything that isn’t being a mother as utterly worthless and pointless. Again, I have direct experience of this, and many times over, as do many other childfree.
Men don’t make the disparaging and hurtful remarks to either sex in nearly the same quantity that a woman will make to another woman. When we can treat one another nicely, without referring to someone as “super-meanie” (which is just as childish as “crotchfruit”) and saying that a child has to be like its parent (saying “I wouldn’t allow her sons to marry my daughters”)as if the children can’t grow up to reject the mother’s ideas and suggesting that non child-bearing women should be “weeded from the herd” then maybe we might start getting somewhere.
Hathor said,
September 20, 2007 @ 7:26 am
absolutely Ethele! The comments on the feministing.com post about the applebees nurse-in really brought this home to me, trashqueen couldn’t get how a ‘lactivist’ is a feminist, and everything she advocated for was a type of eunich-feminism, you’re not a woman you’re a man and the more you act like one the better your credentials…I have a couple of comic ideas coming!
Heather
Daughter said,
September 20, 2007 @ 7:55 am
Angel,
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I think it’s natural to assume people want children, or like children, since most people do, but once someone says they don’t, butt out. It’s their choice.
Also, like many mothers, I love talking about my daughter. I think most people like talking about the people or things they love. Even if you’re childfree, if someone’s your friend, it’s always good to show interest in what they care about. But that goes both ways - your friends should care about what you’re interested in too, and not talk solely about kids.
As far as getting kids forced on you - I never let someone my daughter doesn’t know hold her. However, I can sympathize with the woman struggling to get off the bus. I have asked strangers for help carrying my stuff (you know, the diaper bag, the stroller), but I usually ask a guy because generally they’re stronger and not dealing with their own kids.
As far as adult spaces - it IS hard for kids to behave like adults, or meet adult expectations. I don’t think they should ever be allowed to bite, hit or pull on others, but they are naturally curious, implusive and often loud. Because of this, I have to be careful about where I take my daughter. Here’s one thing to think about, however - those quiet, well-behaved kids you want to see? Some are naturally quiet and reserved. Others, however, have been cowed by authoritarian parents and harsh discipline. The latter may seem ideal to some people now, but they tend to grow up to be angry, aggressive teens, or young adults who suffer from depression and other issues. My daughter loves life and loves people, and if she continues, she’ll grow up to be a joyful and compassionate adult. So while it may limit the places we go now, I don’t want her to lose those wonderful qualities in the name of making sure she stays quiet and doesn’t disturb the adults.
Hathor said,
September 20, 2007 @ 9:02 am
yes, angelofthenorth, super-meanie is childish, I chose it purposefully because of that and used it against one woman who had written something that was pretty mean. No, crotchfruit is not childish, it’s childism. It’s no better than any other derogatory term used for minority groups throughout history. And putting them in the same camp is just disingenuous.
angelofthenorth said,
September 20, 2007 @ 11:49 pm
As I understand it “crotchfruit” came about because of some women talking about children as “fruit of the womb” and someone else commenting “you may as well say “fruit of the crotch”" in a discussion about the politics of genitalia, because a child is not just the “fruit of the womb” but a man is involved somewhere. When we lose the idea that parenthood is solely about mothers, and the language elevating mothers to goddesses without the equal reverence for fathers, then maybe the derogatory stuff will lessen.
Part of the point of the term is that it /is/ non-gender specific (unlike the “womban” and “fruit of the womb” comments) and can be used to refer to parents of either sex. Crotchfruit isn’t a term I use, but it is a term that I hear used by people I know.
It’s not nice. But then the level of discourse on this issue isn’t nice, and it’s most often heard when people are feeling very very hurt and angry. I find myself caught between the two worlds - I can’t have children, and I spend time with child-free people doing activities such as cycling and other pursuits, but I also have a number of lactivist friends, and generally I enjoy Hathor’s art and politics. I hear the pain on both sides over and over again. The mothers, being the larger group, have a great deal of blame in this. The old formula for racism was prejudice+power - child-free people maybe be prejudiced, but do not have nearly the power that mothers and children do - either economically or politically or (and especially) socially. As women, we are all oppressed by the patriarchy, especially the medical establishment - you might not like the fact that birth plans get ignored and the milk of choice is a chemical blend, the childfree don’t like it when surgery for life-threatening conditions is put on hold “because then you wouldn’t be able to have children”, even though having children would make the condition worse. However, women oppressing other women aint good either, not if we’re going to make the medical establishment listen to all of us.
Having children shoved on me (without asking or just saying “hold her”) has happened quite a number of times. I don’t mind if people ask - I can then say “I’ve got needles in my bag, (for knitting) please be careful.”
I have a brownie pack, which is child space, in that children can run around or sit quietly, but generally be themselves - I see the children who’ve been cowed by authoritarian parents, and we take time giving them one-to-one attention so that they can be themselves. However, we also expect that at the beginning and end there will be indoor voices, and that the young women will listen. For the incredibly quiet ones, we create spaces that they can express themselves through art, music, craft, maths, science and so on. For some of them, it’s the only time they get one-to-one attention from women, and that breaks my heart. For one of them, a teacher’s daughter, she confided it’s the one time she’s guaranteed to be able to have time away from her mother, as her mother always goes to every activity that she does. At nine, she just likes being one of a large group.
wiffersnapper said,
September 23, 2007 @ 4:37 pm
I have an idea… we teach our middle-schoolers that it is wrong to call people names as part of our “anti-bullying” curriculum. How about we teach the rest of the population as well? Nasty names are mean, no matter who they’re thrown at, and should be avoided by civilized people!
I choose to be a mother of two. My friend chooses to be a mother of one. My cousin chooses to be a step-mother of one. My other cousin chooses to remain childless. All are choices we made because of our lifestyle situations, and all are equally valid. No one should judge another based on their choices. To do so shows a lack of both kindness and intelligence- how do you know that the woman you’re bashing for being childless didn’t try to get pregnant for five years and gave up when she ran out of money? How do you know that the mother of six that you’re calling a “cow” isn’t gloriously happy? People seriously need to get over themselves and start accepting other people, no matter what their choices.