Are Breastfeeding Rooms Equal or Fair?
There’s a growing drumbeat to provide women quiet and comfortable rooms in public places to breastfeed their children, unaccosted by the idiotic public. And why not, the work-provided lactation rooms for women to pump milk are so useful and popular and necessary. So, on the face of it, yes! Sounds great. And when I think about those moments in the beginning, when my dear daughters were just fresh and new and scream-y at inopportune moments (yes, the daughters of Hathor cried sometimes, the latest one even had colic!) and latching required skill, and concentration, and fumbling and mumbling, sweating and leaking. yes. Those times I could have used a nice quiet room to go into and nurse, at least to get them started, and please, not the bathroom or out in my car. please no. It would be really nice if the rooms were provided for my comfort and yours. But, that’s not really their point is it? not really. They are provided for the comfort of management, and the other patrons, so that there won’t be any issues with our rogue breasts.
And now whenever I walk into a museum or mall that has one of those rooms, I think “drat! I’m gonna get grief for breastfeeding here.” And it doesn’t feel very friendly. Certainly not to mama, or baby, or the siblings who are trapped in there too. And doesn’t it seem to be ultimately, a real lack of breastfeeding knowledge? Who here has ever had a baby who nursed for a few minutes and then would stop? All of my babies wanted almost constant contact with the nipple and would have the uncanny ability to wake up when I put it away. I imagine that lactation room would get pretty old, pretty fast. Once the baby was latched on I would want to walk out a re-enter the world. Perhaps a sign on the door that says “breastfeeding room for your convenience, but feel free to nurse anywhere.” wouldn’t that rock?
Love,
Heather
bunnywhack said,
September 12, 2007 @ 9:41 am
Here in the uk the main problem with these rooms they set aside for feeding is that they are usually duel purpose being supplied with changing mats and pottys and sometimes a loo as well. Seeing as 99% of babies here are ff by 6 months chances are the traffic these rooms get most of the time is for nappy changing which would account for one reaction i got from a member of staff in the one in our local supermarket. I was sat in there feeding i had pulled my top up was using a nursing bra and had the buggy a great tank of a thing pulled across in front of me it would of taken a contortionist to of been able to get even so much as a glimpse of naked flesh never mind *shock horror* a nipple. Anyways i left the door unlocked as baby was only a few weeks old and each feed could take well over an hour so i was prepared for the long haul, In walks this staff member who gets so embarrassed she literally covers her eyes says oh your sort dont care if anyone sees and takes a quick glance around averting her eyes from me and says the room looks fine and she will come back later. sorry went off on a tangent there but these rooms being used for changing means that either you get a v stinky room as someone has changed the mother of all nappies in there or they chuck one of those auto air freshners up in there meaning poor bubs can barely breathe through the artificial flowery fog that engulfs the room. I dont like em
HLA said,
September 12, 2007 @ 9:56 am
Our boys love our annual ‘farm show’ (exactly what it sounds like…animals, tractors etc). I’ve never been one to be stuffed in a broom closet/breastfeeding room, especially at a nature-friendly place like the farm show. Lets face it, there are animals birthing and nursing everywhere. So anyway I just plopped myself against a wall to breastfeed my youngest, then 7 months. I was shocked at the strange looks I was getting. In hindsight they were not condescending but rather curious. I could not imagine why all of these country-type folks would be so puzzled. Well when I finished BFing and stood up, I got my answer. I was sitting beside a HUGE “Got Milk” vending machine supporting the PA Dairy Farmers!! If Im blessed with another baby…you can bet I will scout out that spot to BF again, what fun!
weehasu said,
September 12, 2007 @ 11:46 am
lol I got a good giggle from HLA’s comment, too funny…
The only reason I’ve ever used those rooms is because I could bring the whole family in there, including my husband. It’s sort of nice to step away from the public eye and converse with Keith while changing diapers or taking a pee. I’ve never actually nursed in one…. I’ve also never had to deal with any flak for nursing a giggly baby wide open in the sling/wrap, uncovered boob and all. Although, I’m covered in tattoos which I think keeps most unwanted comments at bay. There was the one time when I rode Amtrak and the conductor told me to cover up because of the other kids that were around, and I just told her no. Anyway, those rooms serve their purpose, but it does make me wonder if it makes many other moms nervous to NIP outside of the room.
Daughter said,
September 12, 2007 @ 12:45 pm
Have you seen this blog post yet? http://mamamojo.wordpress.com/tag/breastfeeding/
ethele said,
September 12, 2007 @ 3:24 pm
I like the local breastfeeding rooms at the malls. There is always plenty of seating outside, and most moms nurse out in the open. The main exception seems to be older babies who are too wiggly - these moms really benefit from having the quiet, distraction-free room. I ignored the rooms and thought they were a bit silly until my girls started doing the 90-degree turn with nipple still in mouth at every sound. Then I became a believer. They were great - comfy rocking chair large enough for two older babies to nurse at the same time, table, adjustable lighting. The only thing I would have added is a chair for the husband - he just had to stand.
I think the presence of nursing-friendly seating OUTSIDE of the room is key in how the room is perceived. These rooms seemed to encourage nursing despite being largely unused and not terribly obvious. However, I also live in a relatively nursing-friendly area (Seattle), and women feel more uncomfortable formula-feeding before six months in public than nursing in public. I hear most bottle-feeding moms make excuses or explanations for why they don’t or didn’t nurse when they have to bottle-feed in public.
wiffersnapper said,
September 12, 2007 @ 4:07 pm
The nursing room at our local mall is well used- it’s more often full than empty! Luckily, there are a whole bunch of comfy couches right outside (presumably for the use of those waiting for a family member to use the nearby bathrooms) that are perfect for nursing as well. They face each other in a sort of U shape, and it’s not unusual to see two or three moms sitting there nursing and chatting away. Also, they face away from the general public, so all most people can see when they look over at them is the top of the mom’s heads!
janaki said,
September 12, 2007 @ 4:20 pm
Oh god yes, you’re so right, Heather! I’ve used the room at my mall. My BIG issue is that there are no locking doors. It’s just basically a shower curtain in the “stalls”. Any perverted guy could come in and assult a woman in there. Also, they claim to have reading material. Pfft, yeah right! You know what their definition of “reading material” is? A course catalogue from Beck Center for the Arts. My dd is the same as yours, too. She likes to use me as a pacifier. I’d much rather have her in some form of carrier and nurse her while walking around with the rest of the shoppers. How much more discreet can you get, walking around with baby in sling, wrap, mei tei, moby, etc.? Nobody suspects you’re nursing if you’re walking around the store!
amyphilo said,
September 12, 2007 @ 10:16 pm
I hate those rooms. I once went on a mission to drop off the “License to Breastfeed” NIP law cards from TX Dept. of Health in those rooms at local malls and Babies R Us stores. In one of the attempts, I was unable to get in the room because the mom had LOCKED the door she was so ashamed. I just left the cards in the family lounge instead.
The other time, two moms were in there hiding to nurse, and one had her huge tent literally completely over her, her baby, and her head and face so as not to let the blanket drop when she rearranged things.
OH MY FRREEEAAAKKKINNNNGGGGGG GOSHHHHHH… whoa! How ashamed is it possible to be for feeding your child?
fibercrazed said,
September 13, 2007 @ 4:00 am
I am so glad so see people questions the value and purpose of nursing rooms. They began to pop up when my daughter was nearly a year old. I thought they were great - for about a minute and a half. Then I realized the ramifications. If we continue to hide nursing from the public eye, how in the world will it ever become tolerated, much less the norm. I can certainly see how new mothers or those with distractable toddlers would feel more comfortable with some privacy, but it stills conveys the idea that the world will end if someone sees a flash of flesh while a woman is feeding her child. Even I have been asked if I would “feel more comfortable” nursing in the “appropriate” area. Thankfully, an oblivious smile and a “Nope, I’m perfectly fine right here, thank you.” was enough. Sadly it’s not for some and it gives the management leverage to bother nursing mothers while feigning helpfulness and support.
Kyara said,
September 13, 2007 @ 4:08 am
Your latest comic is exactly how I feel! Bfing is better than formula, but it’s the FF who get to walk around unashamed in public? Not that they should be ashamed of feeding a baby, but neither should I!!! I’ve used one of those rooms once, while my friend was getting a hair cut, because I couldn’t stand the fumes in the salon. I don’t like them.
mum-raa said,
September 13, 2007 @ 4:55 am
in my opinion, the point is this: if there is a breastfeeding room, people should feel free to use it if they prefer, but not in anyway obliged. narrowmindedness and sheer stupidity need to be tackled head on - breastfeeding a baby or small child is the most natural, normal thing in the world. the more of us who feel able to lead by example and show it as such, the better. and yes those places do stink, either of some rank nappy or of a chemical cocktail of cleaning agents. i would never use one, not least for health reasons!
Zannalyn said,
September 13, 2007 @ 5:50 am
Last fall at a state fair, there was an excellent nursing room…. big, lots of seating, toys for older kids, changing table, water cooler, the works. There was a woman outside making sure only nursing mothers went in… she questioned me as I walked in with my big for his age 2 year old, but I merely said yup, breastfeeding, and decided to be amused. The other women in there had infants. It was nice to be in a quiet place for a little while. But I also nursed him for a little while on a bench outside one of the exhibit halls. I didn’t notice anybody noticing us. But then I’ve nursed my boy for over 3 years in a wide variety of places and no one has every given me any trouble… except my brother in law and his wife who didn’t want me nursing around their boys (8 &10), when we were all at mil’s for Thanksgiving. go figure. If any one ever does say anything, I intend to be like weehasu and just say no. With a big smile. Like I say to cashiers in big chain stores who ask for my phone number.
Perhaps stickers with the breast feeding symbol and the words HERE AND EVERYWHERE! underneath? We could stick them on the doors of those rooms. Stickers can be hard to get off… I know, there are several decorating my kitchen floor.
amyphilo said,
September 13, 2007 @ 6:27 am
That is how I feel. Several weeks ago I was perusing mothering.com and looking at the symbol in use and it only seemed to be promoting nursing rooms - that symbol should be on the window of the restaurant, not marking the location of the nursing room!!!!!!!!!!!!! Might as well just call it
the Universal Breastfeeding Segregator instead of symbol. Isn’t it supposed to be about accomodating nursing, not hiding it? I was shocked to see it being used by a MOMS Club to designate a nursing tent at an event. I am in the MOMS Club and it states in our international bylaws that nursing is always acceptable and not to ever pressure moms otherwise. I can understand some moms want privacy, but that’s what hooter hiders are for if you are that prude.
I did design a symbol using the UBS that says “Bestfeeding out in the open welcome here” and slapped it on my cafepress store. If you are interested in looking at it you can email me - amyphilo@yahoo.com
yellowthundersmama said,
September 13, 2007 @ 6:40 am
HLA’s story is absolutely hilarious. I can picture a woman at the Grange Fair (Central PA people will know what that is) nursing next to a “Got Milk” sign with cows and country folk all around. What an image!
I think some of the “nursing lounges” are better than others and I agree as the baby gets older a quiet place is nicer because they become easily distracted. I also agree that it should always be an option not the expectation.
I wish more companies had lactation lounges for women who have to work. I had a choice between a smelly bathroom and a closet to pump or feed. I also was asked to leave a sign at my desk when I left stating where I was. So, I would put a sign up that said, “I AM IN THE CLOSET FEEDING MY CHILD” or “I AM IN THE CLOSET PUMPING FOOD FOR MY CHILD.” Needless to say, this was cause for much discussion around the office. Suddenly, I was no longer required to leave a sign. Then I found a job where I had my own office and I could shut the door but my boss has a habit of walking in without knocking. So, I would put a big sign on the door that said, “PUMPING IN PROGRESS” or “CHILD AT THE BREAST.” People thought this was a big political statement but it was just a statement of fact.
tsrainer said,
September 13, 2007 @ 8:47 am
I think one thing a lot of experienced NIPers forget, is that not all women are that comfortable doing it. I have a friend, who even though she’s seen me nurse countless times, still will go to a bedroom in her own house to nurse. Do I think this is sad? Absolutely! But, it’s her choice. She’s very self concious of her body, not just with nursing. Our mall has a great family area. It includes family bathrooms that are large enough for me and all 6 of my kids, with a little mini toilet and a big one, so no more fighting to help a toddler in a regular stall. There is a large lounge area that includes the diaper changing station, toys for children to play while they wait, and a nice, softly lit nursing room that is off the family lounge, so no smelly diapers in the actual room. And frankly, as bold of a NIPer I am, I was not comfortable nursing my 3 yo in public. I usually told her to wait until we got home. But there was that one time, when she just needed it, so we traipsed off to a nursing room for it. I think your comment about a sign “breastfeeding room for your convenience, but feel free to nurse anywhere.” is ideal.
AudreyCL said,
September 13, 2007 @ 8:51 am
Touring a large winery in Napa this past summer, I stopped to nurse my then-three month-old daughter. I was using my hooter hider and had a nursing tank on — I thought I had all the bases covered! As I was just finishing up, a high-up person came out of no where (seriously, not a clue how he knew I was nursing…) and offered to set us up in a private room. I declined, seeing how we were almost done, and at first thought “what a nice offer!” then realized that the offer was for his comfort, not mine, and that made me wonder.
I like your sign idea and sometimes, it would be nice to go and sit somewhere quiet to nurse, especially as my now six-month old daughter is easily distracted by sights and sounds and this makes our nursing sessions not only last longer, but soaks us both in milk as she pops off to take a look around!
mannajane said,
September 13, 2007 @ 10:42 am
The first time I saw one of those rooms was in a pedi’s office. It had a sign saying, “nursing room.” I was honestly offended, which was weird b/c I wanted to be happy they had provided something for nurslings and their mamas. I finally decided it was good in that it may encourage new mamas to bf. I peeked in there, though, and it smelled horribly like old, stale dirty diapers!! :O
On the other hand, when my baby was quite new, maybe 2 mo, we were at the wonderful OKC Zoo. I was trying to give my big girls a sandwich and latch on my crying baby while sitting on a bench. A zoo employee came up to me and said, “is it lunch time? Do you know about our mother’s lounge? You are welcome to feed your children anywhere, but you may be more comfortable in there.” She helped me carry our junk while I fed the baby walking to the lounge. It was a nice comfy room with a window to the outside and a door directly to a small restroom. There was even a place for my big girls to sit and eat their sandwiches and bookshelves with books and magazines. I was really relieved b/c my baby was so small and I was so hot. I felt like her comments and the design of the room made me feel thought-of, not closeted.
Like everything, there is a good way to do it and a bad way. A closet with a chair and a changing table is just a glorified restroom created to keep kids and their dirtiness away from polite society. A room with comfy seats, some books (maybe LLL books?), tissues and a wastebasket is a reasonable way to welcome families who want to patronize your business and meet their children’s needs be they nursing or a time to cool down and read a book after a meltdown.
–Amanda
kriekle said,
September 13, 2007 @ 12:13 pm
I’ve had numerous experiences with nursing rooms, and I’ve like some and not others. My children and I went to Dollywood with my parents and my in-laws when my children were just over 3 and not quite a year old, and I was nursing both of them. I had my sling with me, and used it a lot, but when I needed to feed both of them, the nursing room was very handy. It was a gorgeous room with several comfy chairs, two single toilet rooms, a changing area, a small table and chairs for older children, toys, books, the works. It was great, and I really appreciated it. I still haven’t figured out how to tandem nurse discreetly, so the room was helpful. A month later, we were touring Hearst Castle and my son (who was now 1 year old) was again in the sling. It was a long tour, and I nursed him several times. One of our guides let me know as we entered the main building that there was a nursing room “if I wanted to use it.” Well, we did fine for a while, but then in a great big room where it was hard to hear, he started getting fussy. Because I didn’t want to make it even harder for the other people on the tour to hear, I used the room until he settled down. Both of those places I was grateful for a quiet place with my children. However, our local mall has a nursing room, and they also have a free play area for small children right off of the food court. My daughter was playing one day and I was nursing my son. An employee informed that there was a room I could use. I smiled at her and told her I knew that, but I couldn’t see my daughter from there and I was fine, thank you. The room was nice, though, for the short time that I worked in a store at the mall when my daughter was little, and the nursing room and family bathrooms were literally the only places I could pump, since they were the only places with outlets.
Crystal
wiffersnapper said,
September 13, 2007 @ 4:04 pm
This is a tangent, but… when I was still pumping at work, I did it right at my desk! (I’m a middle-school teacher.) My desk is at the wrong angle to be seen from the door, so I’d just wait until the kids weren’t there, pop the suckers on, pull my shirt back down, and pump away. One day, my assistant principal came in and talked to me for ten minutes before he even realized what I was doing! Moral of the story- discretion is a verb, not a noun. (It doesn’t matter where you are!)
tanya said,
September 13, 2007 @ 6:05 pm
I’ve been feeling the same way. I’m going to volunteer to staff a nursing mothers station at a big fair in our area next week. It’s organized by LLL, and I know that a lot of moms appreciate it. But apparently it was started in response to a bad NIP incident a few years ago, and I wonder what the environment would be like now if they’d invested in making the whole place bf friendly instead of setting up the tent. It also gives people an argument that accepting breastfeeding means the use of resources like space and staff time, when it obviously wouldn’t if it were accepted as something normal to do in public.
I agree that it’s also true that until bf is normalized (and I realize that the way to do that is to get it out in the open), there are moms who just won’t feel comfortable unless they’re in a private space. So, I’ll hang out and chat with the moms who come, and maybe try to persuade some that it’s really okay to nurse in public.
tanya
Sarah said,
September 13, 2007 @ 8:40 pm
Hi-I love this site, the article and the comments! I am a big fan of nursing rooms. I am a very, very large breasted woman. I have to use both my hands to get my breast free from my armor-like bra. One hand must support my breast while nursing. I am not able to discreetly feed my children. There is often a full breast shot (AND I MEAN FULL) during my nursing, especially with a newborn, since positioning is oh, so hard! I’ve nursed both my children and will nurse the next. I have had to nurse in public a few times, but I still find a way to do it so that no one can see me. It is just too hard for me to juggle my breast and the baby in a way so as not to embarrass myself. I would not consider myself to be prude either. I nurse in front of anyone in my home, except my in-laws. I do hate the fact that my in-laws are so old-fashioned that I feel the need to nurse in a back room when we are visiting. I have never even given MY family a chance to think that it is something to hide AND I have three younger brothers. We are educating those 8 and 10 year old boys too. They are exactly the people who need to see that! Thanks Ladies!
yvetteyasui said,
September 13, 2007 @ 9:04 pm
BuyBuyBaby opened in NYC just in time for us as I was pregnant with my first child. Of course I vowed never to buy anything thing they were selling.
That all changed after my son was born. It was conveniently located near a health food store we shopped at, my bank and the subway.
They had a whole floor of those comfy rocker gliders. If I was ever in the neighborhood and my son got hungry, I’d pop into BBB and use the store as a ‘nursing room’. It was cool, offered respit form the heat, noise, dirt of the street, and all those comfy gliders of which I had my pick. NYC streets are not known for benches or shade or sidewalks free from dog doo and the odor of urine.
The only thing I regretted was that while nursing, I couldn’t chase around the ‘customers’ and tell them not to buy any of the pink and blue stuff, that all they needed was a nursing bra and a boppy.
ps: I did notice once after going there for a few months that they did have ‘nursing closets’ and I was always tempted to tell those mamas didn’t have to sit in there, but I never saw anyone use them.
paxye said,
September 14, 2007 @ 3:23 am
When my first was small and in that fussy stage there was a great nursing room that had 4 big comfy chairs with ottomans, a water machine, changing station etc and when I would go shopping with friends we thought it was great…we could all hang out there and relax, nurse and talk for an hour or sometimes more if the babes napped on us….
The nursing rooms can be a good idea at times because sometimes it is easier and more comfortable… (depending on the room of course) but that feeling of “having” to use it is something that I am not comfortable with… I think that sign would be a great addition!
The local mall had a really awful looking room that was at the end of the abandoned side of the mall… you had to go to the security desk for the key and walk about 2-3 min to get there! They decided to open an empty store for it now… and there is a half wall where you are supposed to sit behind… If I go there to nurse (#3 who is easily distracted) I drag the chair to the front of that half wall… so that I can see out… but still use the space because it makes it easier to keep an eye on my other boys…
yellowthundersmama said,
September 14, 2007 @ 4:42 am
I can really relate to what you said Sarah. I too was unable to breastfeed or pump discretly (I tried, I really did!) because of the enormous size of my breasts. It just was not physically possible. And because our culture is hung up on boobs (big ones and surgically altered ones) it was not possible to avoid becoming a side show and causing traffic accidents, etc… I would gladly take part in nurse-ins with the support and sisterhood of a lot of ather women all shapes and sizes. But it always streesed me out when I was caught in a situation where my son was hungry and there was no place out of the public eye to take him but I did it anyway because he was hungy and he shouldn’t have to be denied because of the insane hang-ups of the over-arching culture. People really stared too and ran into poles and tripped over things. I love it when I see women breastfeeding in public. It is a breath of fresh air like hey there are normal people in the universe.
amyphilo said,
September 14, 2007 @ 5:58 am
The problem is, if they are going to create a nursing room big enough for everyone, it would never happen. I suppose the assumption is that at any point in time, at a zoo, mall, department store, etc. there will be at most ONE mom wanting to nurse her baby in private… and the malls probably know that or they wouldn’t make one. If everyone nursed their babies, there would be no room, perhaps just some more comfy seating in the open. But since most parents don’t require seats to take care of their children (just propped bottles in a stroller, or pacifiers or pacifeeders), these nursing rooms are just “Special” places. Let’s just call them Baby time in rooms or something. I think they perpetuate segregation of breastfeeding. But I have been wrong before.
amyphilo said,
September 14, 2007 @ 6:22 am
Also, since there is usually just one nursing room they probably don’t expect all to use it, now that I think about it… Surely they don’t thpink there are only two moms per hour at the zoo nursing?
Maybe they should make the monkeys nurse in a smaller cage too… then they’ll have some serious rage on their hands! 2000 angry protesters at Applebee’s? Forget about it! Try a zoo full of vicious “mama bears” out for revenge.
Later I will have to email you, Heather. I just got an article yesterday in the mail in a psych magazine that talks about how primates are better parents than most Americans!
amyphilo said,
September 14, 2007 @ 6:23 am
“A monkey is a better mom than you” - would be a nice comeback if you’re called a boob nazi!
mamaof5 said,
September 14, 2007 @ 7:07 am
LOL That is funny. I would be interested in reading that article.
Heather in Tucson
amyphilo said,
September 14, 2007 @ 8:41 am
I just put up the article!
http://www.babywhys.org/Primate%20Parenting.htm
Are monkeys better moms than most humans? Animal researcher turned clinical psychologist Harriet Smith discovered what really happens when the early experiences of observing parenting behavior in a social context are limited or non-existent. Orphaned monkeys who later began having babies had no idea how to take care of them the normal “primate” way. This research shows the importance of not parenting in isolation as well as being able to care for your baby from the moment of birth… READ ARTICLE “Teaching People to Parent, the Primate Way”
http://www.babywhys.org/index.html#NEWS!
Julinda said,
September 14, 2007 @ 10:03 am
Totally agree w/Hathor’s article (and the comments I’ve read). It’s nice to have the option of a private area, but it needs to be presented as an option and not a requirement!
I was surprised, pleased, and a little concerned when I read this summer there would be a “lactation station” at our very small county fair. Surprised because there’d never been one before, pleased because our county seems pretty unaware that BF exists, and concerned because it was a tent and I wondered if there was a “please hide yourself” message. Well, it was a screened tent (with fans) and if anything it called attention to BF moms. The night I went to the fair, I was working at our Humane Society booth in the same hot barn-like building, and Alex was with me. There were very few people coming through, and no one used the tent. I did think about going in there w/Alex but he didn’t ask to nurse and if he had I think I would have felt shy about using the room. I nursed him outside later but it was dark. (I’m pretty shy about public nursing - I do it, a lot, but I cover up. I wish I was more open about it.)
Julinda
Kyara said,
September 15, 2007 @ 6:49 pm
From Amyphilo’s article: “’Unlike most parents in the United States today, wild monkey mothers have the luxury of being able to feed on demand, carry their babies all the time, sleep with their babies and be responsive rather than doting,’ says Smith”
I didn’t realizing that feeding on demand, babywearing and co sleeping where luxuries. I thought that was just common sense!
Vicky said,
September 17, 2007 @ 11:36 am
“The natural primate strategies espoused in Smith’s book are nearly impossible for the majority of working women to adopt and do not necessarily represent the best fit with American culture,” Klein writes.
… so instead of changing American culture to fit the people, we’ll try to change the people to fit the culture! Yeah! That makes sense!
Fashion Magazine Online said,
October 28, 2007 @ 1:20 am
Fashion Magazine Online…
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting…