No Kids: 40 reasons not to have them
Dear Mama,
I haven’t read the book yet, just a bit about it in the author’s own words (an article sent to me from mamiecaisse, thanks!). And it’s given me a LOT of food for thought. Provocative. As she intended it to be. My friend Mara’s philosopy whenever she comes across this sort of child-bashing stuff is always, “YAY! Another jerk not raising children!” Yet, this jerk IS raising children. And Mara is out of town, so I’ve been trying to think what kind of silver-lining she could find…I’m just not very good at silver-lining. Not about this… this… this kind of insidious ‘ism’.
A recent commenter (Suzanne) on this blog wrote a while back:
“One last thing: I think the current “Mommy wars” are symptomatic of a very anti-child culture that segregates generations in ways that are really unhealthy.”
and it had the element of truth to it, and really got me to thinking about age-segregation and age-ism. Because that’s what this is, one big giant ‘ism’. I think, because age-ism is so often targeted at older humans, we should begin to call this ‘child-ism’ the hating of children. And wow, isn’t child-ism becoming so prevalent?
It seems that everywhere I turn someone is spewing anti-child thoughts, every comedian has to have a joke about the baby on the airplane. Everyone laughs and laughs, because “it’s so true! Don’t you hate it when a baby comes down the aisle on a plane?!” And most adults have a story about a child that ruined a perfectly good meal at a restaurant, or their peace of mind at a concert, or even had the audacity to be born and ruined their friendships-because who wants to hang out with people who can only talk about their kids?
And for that matter why should any grown adult have to put up with this child nonsense? They throw temper tantrums, they’re messy, loud, obnoxious, often stinky, and more often than not, they could use a good spanking. Why do they have to even be around? And with that being said, aren’t there places for kids? Away from here, away from adults, away from decent, quiet, grown-up society where they can go, and leave us in peace?
Listen, really listen to the discussions, the jokes, the media reports, and you’ll begin to notice that these thoughts are the underlying current, “why should I-a grown-up, civilized, responsible only to myself- be bothered by the young of this world?”
And here it is again, this book No Kids: 40 reasons not to have them by Corrine Maier which continues and perpetuates these arguments and this time the author is a MOTHER. yep. Because here we come to the most insidious part of ‘child-ism’, the grown-ups who choose to spend their time with children are vilified as well. Especially if you do it for no pay. ‘Child-ism’ is rampant, and if you don’t want to be the butt end of the joke, “get ye to a career, QUICK!” Nevermind staying with your kids and fighting for their rights (and your own) to be seen and heard, drop them off with the babysitter and go have a nice night out. You deserve it, you’re a grown-up, right?
Most of Ms. Maiers reasons to not have kids, all come from ‘child-ism’, Disneyland and Child-friendly restaurants are all symptoms of a culture that thinks kids have to be pandered to, and kept separate from the world of intellegent, civilized adults. It’s segregation, pure and simple, and the world doesn’t HAVE to be that way.
There are places in this world believe it or not, where children are welcomed, tantrums and all, into the welcoming arms of the culture. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. So it’s become apparent that we need to fight back against the spread of this ‘ism’. Stop laughing at the jokes, stop making excuses for our lives and the lives of our children. They’re kids, and they have a right to be here, plain and simple. You and I are their mothers, we should stop distancing ourselves from them and start demanding their entrance to the world. I plan on pointing out ‘child-ism’ whenever it’s spoken, or written- and I hope you will join me in calling it out and stopping its spread.
Love,
Heather
sewathomemama said,
August 29, 2007 @ 11:41 am
hathor, that link didn’t work, so i googled her & found a great link with all of her stupid reasons why she’s a selfish pig here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=476669&in_page_id=1879
i am so spitting mad at her. she is guilty of nothing less than child abuse for making her true feelings about children known TO HER CHILDREN. i will be shocked if her kids don’t wind up killing themselves from lack of self-worth. she is basically stating that her own children were a mistake she regrets. well, if my mom ever sid something like that to me… it would be the last thing she’d ever say to me.
publishing this book is no different than if she were to slap her kids in the face. oh, wait… she does! she hates her kids, would prefer it that she stayed single & have wild sex every day and she doesn’t care about her kids’ feelings with regard to her anti-child attitude.
what i don’t understand is, if childbearing was such “torture”, why did she get pregnant a second time? she should have just had her tubes tied & been done with it. here’s hoping she doesn’t have any more. i hope those 2 sweet children of hers realize that they don’t deserve to be treated that way & that she doesn’t deserve to maintain custody. in my opinion, they would be better off without her & her poisonous attitude toward them.
off to cuddle my precious boy…
i-dra
wiffersnapper said,
August 29, 2007 @ 2:04 pm
I second the opinion that this woman’s children should be taken from her as soon as possible. I happen to ENJOY playing with my daughter, thank you very much. Also, as I’m sure plenty of women are thinking, breastfeeding wasn’t “agony”. If it was for her, then she was definitely doing it wrong. I also kind of feel for her- she obviously has no support system to help her out. Then again, if she’s so negative all the time, who would want to?
thepooka said,
August 29, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
Hmph. Her family may be a viper pit. That doesn’t mean mine is.
She sounds like the saddest woman in the world.
angelohara said,
August 29, 2007 @ 10:40 pm
I had to stop reading that article. I was ready to vomit, seriously.
I have two sisters. One is childless due to medical reasons, the other by choice. I support them, they support me (they make *awesome* aunts!).
That woman really needs to have her uterus ripped out and have her children taken away and given to a couple who would *love* to raise them.
I can’t say that parenting my kids is always 100% rewarding fun. But the rewards far, FAR outweigh the negatives. Half her reasons are bogus anyway. Says the mom whose kids (12 & 5) are going to have a blast with their grandparents for a few days while hubby and I celebrate our 15th anniversary
mamiecaisse said,
August 30, 2007 @ 1:02 am
Thank you so much for addressing this outlandish article…the day I first read it, I literally had a back cloud hanging over my head the rest of the afternoon. You see, my husband and I recently relocated our family to Belgium, where this woman lives with her brood, and are now living as ex-pats in Waterloo. It has so far seemed an extremely child and family-friendly place to raise kids with numerous parks and playgrounds around every corner and kids welcomed even into the nicest restaurants. Shops close early and remain closed on Sunday, further encouraging family bonding. Was it all an act? For the first time, doubt began to creep into my mind about the decision we’d made and whether we were going to encounter an underlying current of anti-child sentiment. It’s something for which I will definitely be on the lookout…and, like Hathor, I will be adding Ms Maier’s children to the “no dating” list ;).
amykids said,
August 30, 2007 @ 2:26 am
I feel sorry for her children. How awful to have your mother essentially say you are not worth having and rather that she explicitly makes it known that she advises all other women to not have children.
What does she think she started out as anyhow?!?!
Ugh.
night_nurse said,
August 30, 2007 @ 2:38 am
Hey mamiecaisse,
I’m a belgian mum, living in Antwerp, just to say that not all ‘our people’ are children-hating meanies. Although I have to say that the shops being closed on Sunday is a Catholic thing, Sunday being the day of worship and all. That being said, no-one still goes to church but a few very old people, and there are indeed a lot of parks and playgrounds. Hurray for that!
Do bear in mind there is a huge difference between the French speaking and the Dutch speaking part of Belgium. Flemish people (the Dutch speaking ones) still have this ‘I will work till I die’-paysant-thing going on, and mothers who do not return to their jobs after their maternity leave (a dazzling 3 months) are often considered lazy and boring. And it IS indeed very ‘bon ton’ to nag about your children. Saying you absolutely adore them and no effort is too great for you, will make people think you’re a little weird.
Julinda said,
August 30, 2007 @ 5:25 am
I already have enough stress and problems in my life so I’m definitely not going to read this and make myself more upset!
I have to say that in my little corner of the world, (rural Midwest U.S.A.) this anti-kid sentiment isn’t that prevalent.
KMurr said,
August 30, 2007 @ 5:59 am
The points made in the article by the “kid-friendly” mom are amusing and often to the points I’d like to see made, but what’s with the bottle-feeding??? I wish they’d have chosen a funny, pithy, breastfeeding mama to make the rebuttal.
juliepie said,
August 30, 2007 @ 7:42 am
What. a. bitch.
I couldn’t even make it all the way through the article. What a sad, sorry woman that she can’t find joy in her children. Saddest thing is, they’ll probably grow up being miserable, child-hating adults themselves.
Sure, sacrifices need to be made in the early years. But children grow up fast. My husband and I are both roller coaster enthusiasts, and needless to say with three kids and one on the way we don’t get out as much as we used to. But we took the kids to Six Flags this weekend, and our nine-year-old rode his first roller coasters. He wants to go back next weekend. I can already see us sharing a lot of fun family trips of this sort as the kids get older. I’m really looking forward to discovering more of the things my children have in common with my husband and I, and embracing them as they grow.
While they are young, I can try to see the world through their eyes and relive my own youth. As they get older, they will become my friends, my companions. I chose to have four children, because someday, when I am gone, they will never be alone. My own two brothers are very close to me, and have become my husband’s best friends as well.
What fun this woman is missing by regreting having children. I hope they put her in a nursing home when she gets old.
elderberryjam said,
August 30, 2007 @ 8:40 am
This article made me LAUGH. I read it all. I raised 3 children, now 15, 17 and 20, single and divorced whilst going to nursing school when they were 1, 3 and 5. I breastfed all 3 of them. I now am starting over with my second marraige with a 14 m/o daughter. That, I daresay, involved some serious thinking about re-giving up my freedom. I did it with eyes wide open, and am not complaining.
I laughed because she can’t entirely shake giving me the impression that she still cherishes her children. She won’t want to watch her grandchildren “very often.” Her child threw a temper tantrum as she was leaving for her birthday…she leaves out what she did about it; just that it ruined her birthday, which is telling. I don’t believe she entirely hated having children.
Where childbirth and breastfeeding are concerned, she ain’t any toughie. And she’s focusing on only one side of it - to sell a book and make money. Maybe that WILL convince some who shouldn’t have children to forgo it. That could be a good thing. The book isn’t what I consider to be a good mission, however. If someone is going to write something, it could be for a little better purpose. Women with children don’t need to hear that garbage.
Gwen
pixi_mama said,
August 30, 2007 @ 9:03 am
It’s sad that she had children. I really do think some women just shouldn’t have children at all. I know that in our society there is a great pressure after marriage to start your family and this is where I think some women start families just because they are supposed to. Perhaps this is what happened to this woman, whatever the reason she did have children I just feel sorry for them! One thing I cannot understand though is that even if you never wanted children, or you were selfish, how could you not just fall in love with them and become blinded to anything “annoying” that they may do.
mannajane said,
August 30, 2007 @ 11:13 am
To be honest, I’ve never thoguht of my daughters as children or babies. For instance, my 4 mo is Jillian, not a 4 mo baby. NOT all babies are alike, just as not all 2yo are alike, any more than all 30 yo are. My daughters are individuals that I honestly enjoy the company of. I’ve always said, “I’ll take my girls anywhere.” and I mean it. If you view a toddler’s fit as a way of communicating, you can help her to find some peace again. Maybe she is tired; take her home to nap. Maybe she’s hungry; feed her a snack. If you view it as normal for a two year old, then it’s just an annoying thing they do to ruin your day. So, what? To avoid the umpleasantry, keep children away from all museums? Or maybe you could afford to give a little thought to what your child may need first and avoid the feelings that cause the fits!
If you take your children with you and involve them in your life, you are teaching them how to behave in a certain place. You are teaching them that you matter by not settling for lunch at McDonald’s. You are teaching them that they matter by treating them as individuals and not some other species to be kept separate from the adults.
I’ve taught my daughters that if all seats are taken and an adult walks into the room, they are to offer their seats–not because the grown-ups matter more, because they don’t–but because it’s a nice thing to do for people who probably won’t be as comfy on the floor as younger people would.
Talk to your children. Listen to your children. They have good ideas too!!
–Amanda
mamaof5 said,
August 30, 2007 @ 8:29 pm
I could not finish the article… I just feel bad for her kids. Those poor babies, what a mom to be stuck with.
I am of the mind set that not everyone should have kids… it is OK to not want to have any. And it is ok to deside once you have one, that that is enough. There is no reason to breed and breed if you can’t stand kids… it is stupid and hurtful to your children.
Heather of Tucson
sourpatch_babe said,
August 31, 2007 @ 6:14 am
Hey, check out this link regarding formula companies and breastfeeding ads…Here’s a quote to get you riled up: In a February 2004 letter, the lobbyists told then-HHS Secretary Tommy G. Thompson they were “grateful” for his staff’s intervention to stop health officials from “scaring expectant mothers into breast-feeding,” and asked for help in scaling back more of the ads. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20523460/
Last I checked, I wasn’t scared into best feeding my child…
sewathomemama said,
August 31, 2007 @ 3:24 pm
motherhood is not for the weak of heart. she and folks like her should leave the mothering to those of us who have the stones for it!