The Clash of World Views comics are kickin’ my butt!
Okay, so maybe its the the thrush that’s given me a nipple crack (or 6!), or the tooth decay that I HAVE to decide how to handle, or the parade of visiting relatives, or the impending vacation, or the unexpected colds that I thought were symptoms of the rampant tooth decay and awoke in a cold sweat at 2 o’clock in the morning and then worried over all night. Maybe. But, these comics so far have been really difficult. See, when I was reading the article about babies lying to their parents I thought “oh, it’s a problem with the world view of these people.” and the series of comics just came to me. Unfortunately I was on the beach at the time with no pen. So, by the time I started to labor over them, the original impulse was long gone. So I created the Clash of World Views: Birth! and posted it to my site and for the first time EVER in the history of Hathor comics I took it down the next day, it was nagging at me that I hadn’t gotten it right. (in reality I think it was rather offensive! ;o) So I redid the comic and posted it again. And then a wise reader wrote to me that I hadn’t gotten it quite right AGAIN! and lo and behold she was right! (thanks Emily!) so I fixed it an re-posted it. There you go…if you visited my site at random moments in the last week, you might have been lucky enough to see the changes. (though I think the first fiasco wasn’t noticed because I didn’t get any hatemail over it-gotten you curious haven’t I?)
Anyway, I’m going to try and finish the comics this week and then I have a few more ideas (one includes homework, joy joy!) before I go on vacation. Maine!
Love,
Heather
angelofthenorth said,
July 10, 2007 @ 3:57 pm
What strikes me is that the “authentic” vs “wrong” isn’t so clear cut. Surely the problem is also in an inconsistency of approach as much as the method used?
I’m thinking of a friend’s child who gets very anxious if her routine is disrupted - her mother is an engineer and quite ordered as well, and maintained a routine all through her pregnancy. The nature of the two of them is to feed (and she’s maintained extended breastfeeding so far) at regular, precise intervals. In other ways, they’re quite “attachment” - they co-sleep, she wears her baby - yet there is a very definite routine, and the baby is quite happy to play in her pen next to the computer for the hours her mother needs to work from home, because her mother is in sight and she knows that she’ll be picked up again at regular intervals.
I’ve seen other mothers who are very inconsistent between having a routine and then ignoring it when it suits them, or who maintain they’re being responsive to their child, however there appears to be another agenda. (A particular case in mind is a very sad one, where the child was being caught up in the mind-games between the parents)
(until last week I lived with a former mid-wife, hence the exposure to all sorts of parenting styles and a lot of children as she still acts as a birth partner for some of the women she works with through church. First friend mentioned is someone I know from elsewhere)
sewathomemama said,
July 10, 2007 @ 10:16 pm
i noticed all of the changes, but i think that’s just because i’m a sahm with nothing better to do during downtime than check & recheck my favorite blogs throughout the day! plus i’m a nerd about details. the kind of person who gets |—–| this close to paintings at museums so i can look at the brushstrokes!
valcica said,
July 11, 2007 @ 1:12 am
This series is so to the point! One world view seing a child as a problem and seing a problem in a child, and another world view seing wisdom and sense and competence in a child and a problem in the ways of the world. Bravo!
Tamara said,
July 11, 2007 @ 4:19 am
I’ve just read an excellent book about the clash of world views, called The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, by Anne Fadiman. It shows not only the instinctive parental response to children away from Western medicine, but it also details the tragic results of the cultural clash in the medical field. I highly recommend this book.
mannajane said,
July 11, 2007 @ 7:43 am
The difference is that some parents approach their children as adversaries from day one. The baby is someone to control and punish. Others approach their children as interesting little people that we enjoy being around, people with whom we have a mutually respectful, loving relationship. That’s not to say that those who do not share our world view don’t love their children. Of course they do, but I definitely don’t think they respect their children. Having a home daycare, I’ve noticed a lot about how some children expect to be responded to. Some children, unfortunately, see adults as those tall, cranky people that wait for them to do something wrong. It’s so sad, because the children have begun to see themselves as wrong. It leads to sneaking, lying, and deception. Children should be proud of their own ideas, even if the grown-ups aren’t too pleased with the results of their ideas.
Those moments are then opportunities for the parents to teach consideration for others, an easy concept for the children to grasp if they have ever felt that they have been treating with consideration.
Sorry. I had to jump in. It’s so frustrating having the clash of the world views in your own home! :\ I could go on and on…
Good luck, Heather! We all understand the difficulty in articulating the differences without sounding too rigid in our own view of parenting, ie. not *every* use of a stroller is bad.
Thanks for the community, Heather!
–Amanda
alisaterry said,
July 11, 2007 @ 11:08 am
Totally unrelated, but I’ve cured several cases of thrush with grapefruit seed extract, diluted in a little water. It’s safe for baby’s mouth, though it doesn’t taste very good. It needs to go on your nipples every 1-1/2 hours during the day because that is the lifecycle of the yeast. It only takes 2-3 days to clear up for us this way. HTH.
laurelp73 said,
July 11, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
Heather,
I was so incredibly relieved to read your post today. This comic was the first time ever that I looked at your work & wondered if maybe I didn’t get it or something. It definitely struck a negative chord with me & I was so sad about that. Now that I know the circumstances surrounding this comic, it makes perfect sense. I hope you start feeling better soon.
By the way, I can totally relate about the dental anxiety. I have actually avoided going to the dentist, not because I think anything is wrong with my teeth but because if it is, then I will be forced to deal with it while nursing. And how in the world does one choose the lesser of the available evils? I’m trying to wait until my son decides he’s finished nursing. Keep us posted on what you decide to do!
One more important thing: thank you to Amanda, for the comment about the strollers above. I have considered writing to you, Heather, about strollers ever since I discovered your work. Here’s a scenario in which I think even you would approve of stroller use. And I’m quite sure that I’m not the only mama who used a stroller this way. Although some might say I am a bit overboard on my interpretation of attachment parenting, it works for my family. However, I used the stroller almost every single day - weather permitting - from the time that my son was too big to be in the Ergo for long walks. I still use the stroller when I can, but he has begun protesting sometimes now that he is 2 1/2. For me, the stroller has been a way to get some vigorous exercise & enjoy time outside with my son at the same time. Toddler-speed just doesn’t get a healthy, grown woman’s heart rate going, ya’ know? My son has always understood that both of us need our exercise, and our stroller (or frame backpack sometimes) walks are for my health. Isn’t this an exception to your ban on strollers, Heather? I’m dying to know if you can accept this use of a stroller. The other options, as I see them, just don’t work for me. A backpack or Ergo is pretty hard on the back & can make mom & child too hot in warm weather, a sling leaves me too off balance for vigorous exercise (chiropractor, anyone?), and going without my son isn’t an option.
Thanks for sharing your struggles with this comic. And thanks for all you do!
Laurel
wiffersnapper said,
July 12, 2007 @ 9:07 am
I think it all boils down to the parents being willing to give the child what they need- and in infancy, the line between “need” and “want” can be pretty thin. A child who knows that he’s going to be given attention pretty much when he needs to be isn’t going to panic. If mother and child are on the same schedule, or not-schedule, then both are happy. It amazes me, my daughter’s faith in me- she jumps off the changing table into my arms, knowing perfectly well that I WILL catch her. And, being a beginning speaker, she’s often willing to repeat herself to me five or six times, until I understand what she’s trying to say. She doesn’t panic when the first time doesn’t work, because she knows that, historically speaking, if she repeats herself enough times, Mommy will take the time to understand her and give her that for which she is asking. And it’s all about trust!