Breastfeeding Causes Divorce Says Rabbi (and a response from a daddy)
Posted on | August 27, 2006 | 11 Comments
Okay, hold onto your nursing bras…Moms, Don’t Forget to Feed Your Marriages; Why nurturing a passionate marriage is more important than breast-feeding. I know, I know you want to go ballistic. Me too.
the counter article Sex After Baby: Why Breast-Feeding Is a Plus By Armin Brott was good, but left me feeling a little let down. Like, there was no passion! No outrage! I wanted a daddy to stand up and say breastfeeding is HOT and my wife is HOT and…well, you know….
So, I started asking around and a friend told me of a daddy that she knew who would be perfect to write the response. I contacted him and by the next morning Voila! a letter, loving, angry, passionate, humorous and yes, raunchy (because we may be mamas and papas but that doesn’t mean we ain’t sexy!)
Note to mamas: If you are teaching your 4 year old to read on my blog or are reading this aloud to your 6 year old for fun…take heed! Cursey words ahead! hee hee.
Holy Shit — The Wisdom of Rabbi Shmuley
I was as shocked as anyone to discover that my wife was committing, in
the holy writ of Rabbi Shmuley, “Kosher Adultery.” This infidelity was
hard enough to bear, but the real kicker was that the lucky other guy
was our son, Kazu. According to the witch doctor of marital medicine,
breastfeeding had turned my wife’s tits from “scintillating flesh”
into a “feeding station.” He’d better not tell that to my prick,
because then I’ll have to deal with getting an erection every time I
pass by Subway. The way those sandwich artist harlots lay that cheese
on that meat, damn. That wouldn’t even be kosher.
It gets worse. Breastfeeding turns marriages into “barren wastelands,”
and public breastfeeding “profoundly de-eroticizing.” It’s almost as
if Shmuley believes a woman isn’t erotic just being a woman, that
being sexy is something she has to project, despite what she is.
Listen up, Shumley, breast feeding or not, if I catch you worrying
about the eroticness of my wife’s tits, we’re going to have a holy
war, so mind your own business.
The Rabbi goes on to “agree with the advice of ancient rabbis” that
husbands shouldn’t watch babies come out of their wives’ vaginas. This
turns the wives from women into mothers. What the fuck, Rabbi, is
wrong with your mind? If witnessing the blood and gristle, the magic
and mayhem, the power…the beautiful horror of a real birth is too much
for you, by all means, look away. But don’t for a minute think that
there is wisdom in your squeamishness.
That’s my beef with all these backwards religious stooges who project
their own problems with the life-giving power of women onto the women
themselves. Rabbi, if the sight of a human child being pushed out of
the flesh of a women is too much for you to bear, or if the sight of a
child getting sustenance that you can never provide, from a woman’s
breast offends you, then you need to cover up, not the woman. You,
Rabbi Scaredy Pants, need to hide yourself, strap on a double weight
burqa and bump your way blindly through life. A real man is awed by
the power of a woman, and a real man can get it up for those tits no
matter how many times his son has slurped and snuggled into them. And
Rabbi, just to ruin your marriage, I’m going to divulge a little
secret. Those super hot butts that women shake when they’re not
breastfeeding or giving birth…they use those for more than just
turning us men on, and it rhymes with “sitting.”
Sean Sakamoto, formerly known as Sean Bosker, has been writing about
life in New York for the Japanese newspaper, Mainichi Weekly for the
past two years. He is currently at work on a historical novel set
during the first crusade. www.flojin.com
Woooooooohoooooooooooooo! wow. sexy and outrageous, huh? Of course, it goes without saying that if you have a dearest husband who would like to write his thoughts about the “Breastfeeding as the cause of Divorce” article send them in!
Love and xxxxx,
Heather
Comments
11 Responses to “Breastfeeding Causes Divorce Says Rabbi (and a response from a daddy)”
The Zoops!
August 28th, 2006 @ 11:03 am
I was hoping you’d bring this article up – was going to send you the link but couldn’t find it and didn’t have time to look!
This came up on my “birth board” on BBC and here is the comment I posted there:
“The guy may have had some points about marriage, but he hopelessly confused things. He blamed the problems on breastfeeding but then referred more to cosleeping and lack of sex as the problems. Those may in some cases tie into breastfeeding but are separate issue! You can BF and not cosleep and vice versa. And many moms w/infants, whether BF, cosleeping, both, or neither, are tired and not that interested in physical affection! He needs to get his issues straight.
“And as others have pointed out, breasts themselves are primarily for feeding children! The other uses are just fringe benefits!!!”
I love the commentary by Sean Sakamoto. Especially his parting shot! I am cracking up, imagining that rabbi no longer able to enjoy looking at a woman’s butt, or worse, coming out with an article that we shouldn’t use those for their intended purpose either! I just hope the rabbi saw it.
August 28th, 2006 @ 11:30 am
If anyone reading this has a squeemish stomach STOP right here. I am about to go deep into the Too Much Infomation file!
I once had terrible food poisoning. I was the sickest I had ever been in my life. Everything was coming out of both ends non stop. My darling husband held a bucket under my face for me to vomit in while I was making the most horrible smells and noises on the toilet from the other end. I passed out from the pain several times and he was always there, holding me up, rubbing my hair and cleaning me off. THAT IS LOVE. THAT IS A MAN.
This Rabbi insults men by claiming they aren’t strong enough to witness their wives as anything less than sexual objects. If he can’t even watch his wife breastfeed he certainly wouldn’t be able (or willing) to do what my husband did for me that day. I love him even more than I ever thought possible because he was there for me at my worst. Any man should be PROUD that his wife breastfeeds his children. It’s the sexiest thing a woman can do!
August 28th, 2006 @ 12:44 pm
I breastfeed our 9 month old everywhere, day and night, in our bed and on the streets, and that has not stopped my husband from touching, rubbing, grabbing, fondling and otherwise manhandling my breasts. He even saw our baby cut from my now scarred stomach, witnessed the torn muscles and tissues and bloody mess as my meconium-covered infant emerged from my body, and he still kisses me and smacks my butt in public. Obviously, he didn’t get the Rabbi’s memo that I’m supposed to be unattractive now.
August 28th, 2006 @ 2:23 pm
Cool letter! Did you see that someone had actually written a serious rebuttal on the belief.net site? Well worth checking out. http://www.beliefnet.com/story/196/story_19647_1.html
August 28th, 2006 @ 10:49 pm
My husband caught two of ours, and I can tell you *that* is sexy. Since he wants to have more babies, I don’t think that “viewing” the births cooled him off any. I would like to see a study on the reactions of men viewing a normal out-of-hospital birth vs. a medicalized birth. I think it’s what’s done to the woman that is frightening, not the birth itself.
As far as breastfeeding, he is the one saying, “woman, would you please feed this baby so he will stop crying!”. He never wants our babies to wean, because to him that would be like throwing away the pacifier after the stores have closed.
Let me tell you, there is nothing that will put stress in a marriage quicker than a screaming, collicky, gassy, infant with an ear infection or something, and a wife that wants her husband to wake up at 3am to go warm up a bottle. Think of all the arguments we’ve avoided through the years by breastfeeding and cosleeping!
August 29th, 2006 @ 9:33 am
I’ve been enjoying your cartoons and comments, and wondering how you find the time. I’m dissappointed in Rabbi Shmuley for this article, but I think I know why he’s making the mistake he is. He works a lot with couples who already have issues, and who may already be less than enthusiastic about sex and afection in their marriage. Then along comes baby, an affection sponge, and it is very easy for them to use that excuse to give up on sex and/or ordinary affection for each other. Don’t forget many of these couples have to be told, and don’t like to hear, that marriage is work. Then they have a baby. Talk about work! The real issue is, if they don’t have affection spilling over into their already strong marriage from the new love they have for their baby, there will be problems eventually, and breastfeeding or not will have little effect.
August 31st, 2006 @ 3:40 am
It sounds like the Rabbi is a “fantasexual.”
http://anthropik.com/2005/02/mating-habits-of-the-fantasexual/
“Rather than being attracted to any human beings, fantasexuals are only attracted to their fantasies of what the media tells them people should be…Indeed, male fantasexuals are not only unattracted to real women, despite being ostensibly heterosexual, but are outright disgusted by them.”
August 31st, 2006 @ 8:41 pm
I AGREE WITH JOAN COMMENT # 6 !
the guy doesn’t deserve the honor of a comment so here is a joke instead !
It was the custom in the small towns (shtetle) of eastern Europe that when a Jew came to town, he would go to the synagogue on Friday night and he would be invited by someone to their home to celebrate the sabbath and stay with the family until Sunday when he could travel again.
(You can make this into a long story, but I’ll keep it short). So this happens to a man, he is invited into the family, he is treated like a king, and when he is about to leave on Sunday, the two men say goodbye and his host says, “That will be 50 rubles, please”. The other is shocked, this never happens, he himself has never charged anyone when he is the host. They argue about it, and so the host says to the guest, “Let’s ask the rabbi.” The other agrees and they go to see the rabbi.
They explain the story, each his own side, and the rabbi ponders this, and says to the guest, “You must pay the 50 rubles”. He is shocked, but the rabbi said so, so when they are outside, he is in the process of handing over the 50 rubles, and his host says, “Are you joking? I would never expect you to pay for hospitality.” Now the other is bewildered. “But what did we just go through all that for?”
“Oh, that? I just wanted to show you what a jerk our rabbi is”.
October 10th, 2006 @ 8:56 am
Where do we even begin to discuss how wrong the Rabbi’s article was? He really hurts families when he councils them in such ignorance. My husband enjoyed my body and never missed an opportunity to tell me how beautiful he thought I was and how much he loved me. If it wasn’t for his support, I would not have breastfed as long as I did. He enjoyed my body before I breastfed, during the times in our lives when I breastfed, and after the breastfeeding months were over. As I said in my response to the Rabbi, breastfeeding isn’t the issue, it’s a strong marriage. Apparently the couples where breastfeeding is supposedly a wedge between them already have communication issues in the first place. They need to be counciled to talk more, go out on dates, find time for themselves once a week, and try to reconnect…not stop breastfeeding! The Rabbi is complete offbase with his insecure and ignorant article, and he would do well to talk to some REAL men.
January 18th, 2009 @ 10:18 pm
“A real man is awed by
the power of a woman, and a real man can get it up for those tits no
matter how many times his son has slurped and snuggled into them. ”
Bwahaha! Beautifully said. When my husband and I caught on to the good Rabbi’s views on never seeing your wife give birth or nurse, we were appalled. And we LIKE Schmuley. I mean, seriously, wtf? I guess my husband is some kind of sick perv because he finds me irresistible and f**&^able despite having seen the spawn tearing from my vagina in a ’splosion of viscera – gee, how funny it is how that works, eh? For millions (or thousands) of years men have seen this and survived, and gone on to mate with their wives and create more of the same – what a perversion of the natural order of things…not.
Hopefully will have him read the article and make comment – that would actually be pretty cool.
Thanks, Hathor.
January 18th, 2009 @ 10:25 pm
Actually, I can’t have him comment on the article without a link – pray tell, where is the link to the original article?